Waking up the Dragon: Day 7 (2 day absence)

The apathetic danger that rests quietly near the gold within me is what I consider to be the dragon guarding my gifts. When I wake up or am disturbed, often times this is what is within me. Today, for example, I woke up and did not feel much regard for what I was waking up to in my life. I woke up feeling like shit and I could barely give a fuck about anything except for why I wake up feeling as shit as I did. All I want is to feel better than what i'm feeling. I have gone to bed and woken up many times this year, feeling like a dragon breathing fire. My sleep is deep and is often undisturbed, but for whatever reason when I wake up.. I am ready to burn the world down. I've wondered why or what it is that I could be doing that takes the peace from me.. because the disturbance I see within me is serious.

I see the danger and the trouble within me. I don't need anyone to tell me or remind me, because i'm already afraid of who I am and what I can do. My first thought is I am furious with myself for missed actions I could have taken, those mistaken opportunities in which I either shied away from in cowardly fear or I rejected for lesser ambitions. The mounting anger in me has created an unforgiving beast that won't let me rest in peace. I missed a couple days to write and I watched it happen. I got lost into a daze of distractions losing days of traction. I am only truly happy with myself if I can say I did what is best for me and if I applied myself to the whole. When I don't, I know that I am in trouble. This beast within me is only pleased when I am doing the best...
all of a sudden this anagram makes more sense to me, now: "beast" = "a best"

I cannot please this beast unless I do my best and it threatens me with everything in my life if I don't.
I have been waking up every day knowing I do not do my best and this beast wakes up with this knowing.
I'm scared to go inside and face this dragon because I know it will finish me.
I don't deserve the treasures it keeps if I can't slay it.
If I release it on the world it will do great damage.
There is no difference between this beast and who I am.
I have to meet this thing face to face and make some peace with what rages inside it - to tame it or die from it = because if I kill it or it kills me, it doesn't matter, we both die because we're the same.
The danger and the one to face it are one in the same.

I'm just using this language to help me understand something.
A dragon to help me see what I am dragging on.. this cannot drag-on much longer or else..
A threat is implied in these creatures.
A threat to investigate or perish unwittingly from.