Recapping these past two weeks:
It has been a challenge to write at all with everything going on and I enjoy writing because it is how I "keep tabs" on my self.. so not only was it challenging but I feel like I went through this stretch of time without a working leg. I practically rely on writing for an aspect of my self to be present in life. Without writing, I just know I am missing some opportunities within myself to cover some amazing ground.. and I am not okay with that.
Onto the point of my topic:
I started walking the Desteni I Process Lite shortly before I started this Journey to Life blog and I am coming up on two points in general that I have major resistances to... which are Self-Fogiveness and really, actually joining Desteni with more investment and commitment. I am on the portion of the DIP Lite that is finally addressing Self-Forgiveness. I have been awaiting this point, as it fucks with me more than looking at particular definitions of Self-Honesty. It isn't exactly Self-Forgiveness as a whole that I find difficulty within, but the specific understandings of it that I can not yet see for myself except through applying it and coming to know it as my self. When I have applied myself previously within Self-Forgiveness.. the hardest point was VOICING IT.. LOUDLY... and worst of all - near someone else that might be hear me or be aware of me doing it. I become self conscious and worried someone might be interested in what i'm doing or think of it as weird. I don't even necessarily know how to tell them what i'm doing because i'm basically just learning to do it myself! I do not explain things to people when I am unfamiliar and insecure in what I see or know. So, I find myself wanting to really make sure I understand what the fuck i'm doing, because I know I WILL REACT TO BEING CHALLENGED. I would rather not address it until I am secure and confident in what I am applying to be able to better share it with others - but how else am I supposed to practice self forgiveness out loud or without fear if I don't do it in the presence of anyone? So - big point! Lots of fear. I am eager to see what I can learn this time around in applying self forgiveness within writing, I just simply refuse to apply it in spoken word unless I am completely alone because whispering it and hiding it is pathetic to me. My goal is to be able to do it and be like "fuck you I don't care if this is weird" to anyone who may be around me. When my first day on Self-Forgiveness starts on the DIP Lite course.. I will also begin to apply Self-Forgiveness statements here on the Journey to Life blog.
The other point of returning to and actually joining Desteni comes up within this time where I find myself facing Self-Forgiveness.. because a forum on gmail was opened up for anyone who has had resistances to Desteni. I have taken the time to address all the shit inside me there and will continue to do so until I have outed everything in me that I accepted and allowed to prevent my active participation within Desteni. If this is the first you are aware of such group, see Gian for details.
I am grateful for this particular forum because it is the opportunity to get out all of my crazy, fearful bullshit that I have accepted and allowed to create so much misery and dissonance in me - unnecessarily holding back my process.
What other group does what Desteni does?
If you actually search, you will see that there is quite possibly no other place on this earth like it.
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