Facing the Dragon's Breath: Day 13

 My last post was on breathing and what I have come to realize lately is that I have no foundation and no ability without breathing to be able continue this process.
Breathing is what carries us through the onslaught of the mind, as Bernard had put it. I have seen this directly in my own life, so that quote is no longer just words.. I see the truth in my own life.
I have decided to practice Wim Hof's breathing with my girlfriend.. That will be my starting point for practice that I will have a buddy in. I will work in the 4 count breathing in-between this practice as Wim Hof's method is not aimed at a consistent, livable structure of breathing effectively.
I must also get on more phone calls with my friend to expand my understanding and application of breath as he has put in quite a bit of work to flesh out his application.
In my last post I said I would clarify the point a bit more in self forgiveness in my next post, so I will begin that self-forgiveness now: (EDIT: I did not realize this point of the dragon's breath would open up, so bear with me as the self forgiveness opens up the point i'm seeing in multiple ways)

I want to leave some references for this self forgiveness on breathing here: -----------

Breathing is what carries us through the onslaught of the mind. - BP

Breath as the Answer to Life - EQAFE interview

Bernard mentioned that what they found within this process is that NO ABILITY REMAINED THAT WAS NOT DEVELOPED IN BREATH. 

This means that whatever ability/response-ability I will be able to develop will only be supported to stand the test of time/death through breath alone.

BREATH IS THE FOUNDATION FOR ALL ABILITIES. IT IS WHAT ENABLES.

Wim-Hof's research proves this as he has demonstrated Breath is the Access Point for All the Physical Systems. Research his material to find the understanding.

Jordan Peterson also pointed out that Breath is the "bridge" between the conscious and subconscious/unconscious as it is the one faculty that is mostly instinctual/unconscious that can also be consciously controlled.

Breath is Discipline - BP

Breath is also directly related to the Heart, the most obvious connection being it's ability to regulate the Heartbeat

Breath is factually the Spirit of Man as the root of Spirit is the Latin, "Spirare" which means BREATH.
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist breathing in self awareness.

I forgive myself that I do not breathe effectively.

I forgive myself that I have separated myself from my breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my breathing to be separated from everything else I do, seeing breath as breath-alone as if it is not intimately, inextricably one and equal with the rest of my biological systems and mind systems.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create breath as an experience of fighting, I am fighting to take another breath, succumbing to shallow and unconscious breaths where I forget myself and breathe as if I am asleep.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to recognize all these great things about breath, to see the significance and importance of breathing and yet do nothing with it.. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist disciplining myself in breathing.

I forgive myself that I struggle to breathe.

I forgive myself that I feel like I am suffocating and unable to breathe properly.

I forgive myself that I am suffocating myself with emotions and feelings when I breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed so much shit built-up within breath that I cannot enjoy a single breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up in my application of breathing because it feels like too much, I struggle too hard to consistently do it and to do it right, so therefore - fuck it.. i'll just let my body breathe however it wants to.

I forgive myself that I have not corrected my relationship with breathing and thus be fucked when it comes to breathing in a way that might actually support me.

I forgive myself that I do not want to breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed apathy within my breath, where I do not really care if I take another breath or not or what the quality of that breath is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see, define, and experience breathing as a chore.

I forgive myself that breathing feels like a chore.. a labour.. like i'm forced to do it and that I have to push myself like i'm giving birth, which I then feel like giving up because it's too hard to push this much to get out - to get to the other side of this laborious chore.

I forgive myself that I just want to get this over with.. the breathing.. the writing.. the self forgiveness.. the working through the tough, heavy, negative experiences of living through the accumulated consequences of what I have accepted and allowed.

I forgive myself that I need, or think I need, something to live for to continue doing this.. because just living through this on it's own is not enough.. like just being here, breathing, isn't enough on it's own and I want something more to ASPIRE to.. something to help me RESPIRE/RESPIRATE... some sort of ASPIRATION to GIVE ME A BREATH OF FRESH AIR.. to feel like I can actually BREATHE again.. because this doesn't feel like breathing.. it feels like i'm breathing in sludge and heavy toxic fumes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my breathing to become heavy, like sludge, where when I breathe it is like toxic fumes.. just hot air that is suffocating me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suffocate myself by breathing in the spirit and essences of death.. the spirits of apathy, indifference, malice, spite, vengeance, hate, darkness, evil, negativity.. and more ---- Apathy, Indifference, Darkness, Heaviness and Negativity define this experience the most.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to breathe in negative emotional energy and fill my body with charges that my body cannot sustain itself properly with.. forcing myself to live off the worst of me and what is in my spirit and heart.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe I have actually been breathing, because this breathing as I know it is not the Breath of Life. It is something else.

I forgive myself that I thought I knew what breathing is, or that I think I am actually breathing... because breath is supposed to be life itself and the answer.. yet what I breathe in is a terrible answer and a heavy life, like a sigh but with no relief...a constant pressure that doesn't want to release.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be looking for the breath that is right under my nose to answer all my problems.. because there is no need to look for this answer, it has always been here and I have neglected it in my application.. I have neglected to apply it.. and with how I have applied it, I have just been breathing hot air like a dragon.. carrying on the spirit of a dragon, filled with a fire that I breathe into the world around me.

I forgive myself that I have not realized, seen, or accepted that the breath I am breathing IS my answer.. and that I simply do not like the answer my breath is revealing to me.. and that this is why I have this experience and aversion to investigating and reflecting on my breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow this issue within my tissue as the breath that enters my lungs and becomes the spirit I embody - for it to go on, to drag-on as a dragon that is growing fed up.. as I have fed myself with so much discontent for the way I am living.. the breath that is giving me life is also the breath with which I will leave this life if my time were to come.. 

I forgive myself that I have not honored this breath as my self and the spirit of this dragon within me as  myself.. because the beast is awake and the discontent has come to a limit, where now I must act.. no more dragging on like this. The beast must come out and this breath of fire must be put to good use... 

- To burn away the dead wood and all that needs to be cleared by fire... Instead of burning down the village nearby.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to use this heavy heat that is within my core and the fiery fumes of my breath to make the changes in my life that is best for all, by directing myself in breath towards that which is unacceptable and unallowable.. to eliminate that which is no longer serving me and clear a way out of our situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what I feel within me when I breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the dragon/the beast within my breath, as the spirit of which I embody.. because spirit comes from spirare which means breath, and thus spirit is factually the breath and the spirit of a dragon is the breath of which is usually an element like fire, ice, poison - etc.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the dragon and the beast within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my spirit(s) that I embody within breath.

I forgive myself that I deny these spirits and the spirit itself for what it is - real in-so-far as I am the one that lives the definitions and experiences of these spirits.. it is all in a breath.. and that is how I live.

I forgive myself that I fight within myself to suppress the spirit of my breath and what is within it, because I fear who I am and what I have accepted and allowed as what possesses me.. the feelings/emotions and accompanying thoughts that characterize these fictional spirits that I make real and create friction with through the fictional drama that creates trauma within me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that breath IS the answer to life.. and that it IS what will carry me through the onslaught of the mind.. to take me from the unconscious/subconscious slumber of my mind into awareness, where I can practice life in wakefulness and determine what spirits shall come and go within me as my breath - the de facto spirit of my body.

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This was a lot of self forgiveness and the language was more ethereal, spiritual, and mystical than it was practical.. so I will come here again tomorrow to bring this to earth in more practical language and apply the self-corrective statements to flesh this out into something tangible and applicable to everyone in common sense. 

This language I use is what supports me in walking through my mind and my experience of it. This is how the energy of what I am in really feels like, yet there is a practicality within it which I will demonstrate in the next post. If I give myself a day, I will be able to assess the points specifically and take them into real time actions. I look forward to showing what I can do with this. 

Enjoy.

4 Count Breathing and Wim Hof Breathing: Day 12

With my most recent section in DIP Lite at lite.desteniiprocess.com..
I have decided to focus more on my breathing application.
I want to enter in all the vocabulary terms from my reading in this latest section.
I am going to create lists from the course in DIP Lite on breathing and self-honesty.
I will also be diving into Wim Hof's methods as he has proven a great deal with his practices regarding breathing and cold-exposure.

I am going to combine Desteni material, Wim Hof's breathing, cold exposure, and material from a book called The Presence Process which deals exclusively in breathing.
I have no self-forgiveness to share on this because I have to sleep. I will expand on the breathing point to clarify my starting point within it and the material tomorrow.
I have had quite a few conversations with my friend Matthew on breathing and I see this is the next point for me to focus on.
I'm going to also write more for myself in my blog, because this process and journey is about me.
I have a lot to figure out before I have something that isn't completely muddled with reactions to share with others.

I need to focus on selling and rebranding myself on social media, as well.
There is much work to be done.
Goodnight.

Consistency and Conflict: Day 10 (6 day absence)

I have not wanted to write recently. I have accepted and allowed myself to go without, even after writing specifically on the consequences of it. Anxiety has built up over the issue and I’ve compounded the point within me. It’s a conflict of interests within me. I did not resolve the conflict or resolve myself to follow through with my commitment to writing. 

My justifications for doing so were I had ‘nothing’ to write about, except that I didn’t want to despite knowing there was things I could write about. I thought it was a waste of time and I would rather go with what I felt the least resistance to. I thought that whatever I wrote would be half-assed shit that wasn’t worth reading. I did not force myself to write because I didn’t want to feel the conflict or see what I was feeling that was causing me so much discomfort inside.

Writing with consistency based on time conflicts with writing based on quality, because when I am too possessed with internal conflict to write one day then my consistency in terms of quality will take a hit.

Am I consistent if I am writing every day but it is not the quality I want to consistently deliver?

It’s a two part equation at the moment from what I can see.

Consistency would be to have both:

A regular time

A standard quality

If I don’t have one, I am likely to lose the other.

Moving to the self-forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel unable to live consistently within writing where I show up at a regular time and write according to my standards.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed conflict within me to build up to the point of giving up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on writing because I can’t seem to get out what’s going on inside in a way that I am happy with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed emotions and feelings to dominate my decision-making.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become possessed by the mood I am in and sacrifice my commitments to myself within writing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to under estimate the issue of energy in the tissue impulsing me and directing my thoughts and actions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed energy possession to dictate what I do and do-not.

I forgive myself that I have not created and lived a solution to my instability within emotions and feelings, where I am constantly giving into the energy created from my internal conflict as the cognitive dissonance in my mind.

I forgive myself that I listen to, accept, and allow the emotions and feelings within me that are in conflict as if multiple personalities are waging war over the interests of where I place my attention and what I do with my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed emotional instability, which creates instability in my commitments like in writing- where I fall short of my goals and subtract from the progress I was making.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use internal conflict to move and motivate myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to leave the conflicts within me unresolved where they build up energy that possesses me and I hope/wish that the ‘good’ side of me wins.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up when the fighting as the internal conflict becomes too much and so I give in to my resistances because it’s easier to just let go of whatever I’m fighting with myself about doing / not doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed giving up as a solution to internal conflict and resistance to doing what is best for all/me + what I have self commitment to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the path of least resistance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the stress I experience from my internal conflict and resistance, because I feel like I’m gonna make bad decisions or go deeper into a spiral.. winding myself too tight like a spring that’s going to explode from tension.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist writing because I know I’m going to write half-assed shit when I am stressed out, conflicted, and emotionally unstable.

Self-Correction:

When and as I am conflicted within emotions and feelings, stressed out, and unstable.. 

I stop and I breathe.

I consider the mental state I am in and what my body is experiencing.

I consider if the state I am in is too possessed to write at the moment / apply myself within commitment and if it is ‘too much’ for me to handle, also if it is ‘too late’ to do what I committed myself to do.

I consider what I can do if it’s too much or too late, such as walking away to go do something physical and breathe so I can come back to try again.. or if I can simply write less and save myself from breaking the commitment I made for the day. Worst case scenario is I have to do it the next day.

I commit myself to come back and give the writing another go and to shorten the time between walking away and coming back.

I commit myself to, when I give up, to only ‘give up’ temporarily within what needs to be given up...

I commit myself to give up the conflict, the fighting, and the resistance.. in this, I commit myself to keep the writing commitment.. to keep the point I am resisting or fighting.. but not the drama surrounding it.

I commit myself to breathe more, even though I may not be successful at breathing through the possession to a point of clarity or stability every time.. 

I commit myself to learn what it means to effectively breathe through my reactions and be here, finding ground, coming home to myself, seeing me through the resistance and the conflict of the war within.

I commit myself to learn from my mistakes, even if I learn slowly and it takes me many attempts, and to keep making efforts despite my almost immediate and sudden failures within my commitments.

I commit myself to detailing more thorough and self-realistic commitments that reflect a deeper awareness of who I am and what I know about myself.. thus I work with where I am really at and avoid unnecessary frustration and disappointment because I know how often I will fail and how/why + with what I will fail.

I commit myself to directly face what failures already exist within me that I know I will experience and walk through.