Tuesday, May 31, 2022

A Jump-Start, the Revival of All that is Dead, the Coming-back to/as Life : Day 11

I see a lot that is dead-in-mind, floating in the water like a limp, dying fish.
My process, my business, my clubhouse and community..
I am harsh on myself about what I see.
The little movement of life since last year and the growth that died off almost as soon as it began.
I overlook much of the great things that have happened and the changes that I made during this time.
I so badly wanted more to happen, for specific things to take off, and for me to automatically "get it" - to apply myself like a beast within what is best and revive the greatness within my being to expression.
I wanted my clubhouse to explode as well as my business, for everyone to get on board that showed any interest. Instead, it popped for a moment and fizzled out. I started out strong and then became clouded.
The clubhouse and community has given me and my wife some great experiences to reference. It has given us some friends and shown some potential in multiple people. I have seen a little bit of what I can do and how this all can go. I have come so close to a sale. I started walking my process with the tools more effectively and consistently. What I face every day in my mind though is that this should be more, I should have more members in the clubhouse.. I should have posted more.. I should have a client or two by now... I should have converted the small handful of members to active participants in process.. I should be giving more and making more things happen. This isn't good enough. I am afraid that my business is dead in the water. I am afraid that my clubhouse for Self-Perfected is dead in the water. I was afraid that my process was dead in the water and that essentially - I am dead in the water.. just floating.. being taken by the current.. finding the last bit of life in me to swim... to move in this water and decide where I will go instead of letting myself be taken.

Jump-Start. Why this word? Because we are looking at my starting point.. and we are looking at "jumping" back into things.. with life.. with the spark of life.. that will reignite and bring back from the dead or the near-death experience that I am having within my business, my process, and my community / clubhouse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dying.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not existing anymore.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am already dead.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am dead-in-mind, as in dead-inside, and that everything i'm doing is lifeless as a result.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am brain-dead.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what I have accepted and allowed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my business to die and be dead in the water.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear admitting to myself what I have accepted and allowed and what has become of me and what is in my life that was/is my responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to know that I am responsible for something like my business and still let it go, never directing it, never putting enough of myself into it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in regret because of my failure to launch my business or my community-clubhouse successfully.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in regret and pity because things haven't gone the way I had hoped or expected them to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed for my lack of success.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by the currents of my mind within the current of time, as I am dead in this "water" and am being washed out and taken down stream - no direction of my own and where I will go with my life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take full responsibility for my life and what is happening in this process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to torment myself emotionally and mentally with my track record.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so harsh on myself and yet offer no support in actually breaking through.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that i'll never make a come back from this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get stuck and stay stuck.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel hopeless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and act hopeless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear looking into and reflecting on my failures because of what I feel and what i'm afraid of feeling.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear feeling the pain from the memories of what went wrong in the beginning when I started my business, my clubhouse/community, and my process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into conflict within myself/my chest when I think about my business, my community, and my process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into war within my body/my chest/my stomach where I react to starting my business/my community/my process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about everything I should have done in hindsight.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wallow in my mind about what could have been if I did what I should have done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear trying again now that I have already failed because I don't want to be recognized as a failure trying to make something work, I fear that it will fail again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear failing again at the same thing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try instead of do and to think I can try when I will do or I will not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constrict my chest, my heart, and my lungs within/as my mind as a war/conflict within me where it is like someone has a grip on my breathing, a grip on my heartbeat, and I am having the life slowly squeezed out of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear going out into the world and building my business, building my community / clubhouse, and getting things moving again through/by talking to new people.. making new relationships... and sharing with enthusiasm about what I am doing, why I am here, and who I am.. so that I may be a + 1 to the life of others around me and find the + 1's to my life.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to do more for myself, to apply myself for myself, and accumulate the people, resources, training, skills, experiences, conversations, events, and time-in-practice to create a world that is best for me, best for all, and ultimately the life I want to live because I was avoiding facing my fear in/as other people and sharing myself with them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the opinion I believe others are holding secretly in their mind about me, about TechnoTutor, about Desteni, about Self-Perfected and to be unconsciously/subconsciously within the secrets of my mind holding onto this opinion/belief/thought and resonating it / projecting it into the world through my behavior that gets reflected back to me by others and by my own conscious thoughts about others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I am going to fail again even if I start over because of what I am still holding onto and how I still hold back.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the memories of how things went every other time and to hold back because of what I experienced during those moments which I am afraid of.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold back because I am afraid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe something bad will happen if I let go of my fear, let go of my self, and go all in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the dead-end of/as my fear where life is stuck, where I am stuck, and to remain here because I would not challenge myself / forgive myself and share myself in the next breath.. to return to breath... which cannot be held onto for more than a moment.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to return to life in the next moment because I am afraid of living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on the best life as what is best for all and learning to create that in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on myself and give up on setting an example as myself as what is best for all with my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only see what I want to see and to only see the distorted image of my life, my process, what I am building.. never looking at what is actually here as the real actions.. the real measurements.. the real quantification of my process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only see my fears about what I am doing, what is happening, and where I am going.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what I am doing, where I am going, and what is happening in my life... instead of taking into account all the facts... forgiving my feelings within/surrounding those facts... and understanding how to proceed from there given what my goals are.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to define my goals clearly, where I want to go, and to define the facts, the numbers, the actions, the systems that make up the reality of what is here as me / my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get caught up within/as my mind where I am judging and determining my results instead of assessing them objectively in relationship to the goal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that it is all over for me and to be finalizing my judgment of myself, my opinion of myself, my idea of myself, my self-image to then hide that conclusion in shame/guilt/fear with suppression... to also give up and submit to some other way of life because I have defined what I was doing / who I was / why I am here as a failed purpose/mission/objective and I am a failure in turn that must move onto something else where I might succeed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wallow in previous failure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to reason with myself why I should give up and to buy-in to that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe I can no longer continue living this way... (what way?)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I can no longer continue living this way where I take on all that we have accepted and allowed, to daring to challenge the system within myself and building myself up to challenge the system at large, and to start accepting and allowing a life in submission to the system where I simply get with the program and stop making such a fuss.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to die inside.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to kill everything I start with my dead-weight and baggage from the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bring down everything I start and create with the weight of my problems as the fearful memories of the past holding me back/down.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to crush my dreams.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to crush my ambitions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to kill my confidence.


Wednesday, May 25, 2022

Online Presence / Internet Participant: Day 10

 Inspired by these interviews and a realization I had about my relationship with the internet and social media:

Living in a Virtual World

When Virtual Self does not Match the Real Self

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I have to be fake online in order to gain a following and get views, likes, comments, reacts, and shares on my posts/videos/lives/pictures/etc.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my success online by/through gaining a massive following, instead of by/through how many people are actually changing their lives through what I post/share/create/express.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my real life fall apart while my online presence and life is seemingly pristine, perfect, and happy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear sharing who I really am and what I am really going through online because of who is out there that might spite me with the vulnerability of sharing my real self online.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship with being online and creating a social media presence that is actually abusive to me and to others who find my page because of the participation in self-suppression, the projection of a fake reality that I put out there, and the stimulation of conflict within them where they compare themselves against me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself by the amount of attention I receive online.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself by the amount of followers I have online within my different accounts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a lurker online where I am essentially a nobody, I am invisible, and all I do is view/read/observe/watch things and people online.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as inferior to social media celebrities/influencers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having no followers online.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear no one liking, sharing, or commenting on any of my content.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to obsess over getting attention online, with how many likes, views, followers, shares, comments, video responses/etc I am getting from others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe I have nothing worth sharing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in simply making other people famous because they want our attention and were good at getting it, yet they have no message of what is best for all and offer no support in terms of real change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear looking at my experience online, specifically within social media which is like a game... because certain people are winning with their online celebrity status and others are losing wherein we simply follow them, consume their content, and our pages are made up of these pages that have amassed a certain level of influence online.. and if you are choosing to produce content, it is like competing for the most likes/views/comments/engagement/reactions with the content so you can grow your page, expand your influence, and have a better time on your social media.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear cancel culture online and getting cancelled online for something I wrote or said.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to censor myself because I am afraid of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to submit to this experience of myself on social media where I am lost in a sea of information. lost in a sea of entertainment media, and looking for my place within this where I can get some attention, some engagement, some real movement from.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from social media and my general online experience, to project and live a different self on here, as if I have a second life - instead of standing one and equal to what I see here on/as/in the internet/social media and supporting myself with/as all of it as I am equal and one to it and I have tools to process what I am going through within it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within my social media and internet experience to what I have experienced thus far and to the judgments I have of it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as an internet lurker, a social media lurker, where all I do is view things and look at them - rarely sharing, liking, commenting, engaging, and directing what is here as myself... rarely putting who I am into what I am seeing and setting the example of the world I want to live in.. simply judging the world I have stepped into.. and the glimpses of examples I am given/receiving.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within/on the internet/social media from a point of judgment/spite/blame/separation/reaction where the primary thing that happens when I come on here is I go into negative experiences about myself and about others.. as I view pictures and words from others... looking for what I like, looking on my FEED for what I will FEED off of today... sometimes and often it is stuff I judge negatively, other times it is stuff that is sort of interesting, and sometimes it is stuff I really enjoy - but what I notice I do the most on social media is I am hater and a lurker.. I am making horrible judgments about others that I see online for how they look, sound, what they share.. what they post... I am a silent judge and jury.. a silent hater lurking to pass judgment and move on, spiting what it is that is in my feed and that I will feed off of.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lurk, instead of actively participating online and sharing - directing myself, my experience, and the internet with my participation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lurk because I am afraid of sharing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that lurking is hiding and that you hide when you're afraid of sharing/standing out/being visible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide behind my screen and anonymity online / on social media while the ones who dare to share, to create content and post it, to express themselves openly, to take on the fear and risk of judgment will be the ones directing the experience we are all having online as the feed/wall/streams are created by them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold back from sharing online.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear sharing too much.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear annoying people with what I post or create.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to care what people think of what I am sharing and posting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear sharing my face online because of how I look or what people might say about my looks.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear looking ugly and people noticing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear looking tired and people noticing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear taking a selfie because of how I look.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear how I look.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for looking ugly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for looking tired.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist sharing myself because of how I sound.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist sharing myself because of how I look.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stop sharing myself because somebody said something mean to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stop sharing myself because I don't know everything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on using the internet and social media.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear using social media and the internet in the wrong way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear going live on video.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge people online.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spite others online.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear people seeing me for who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stop being myself just because I am online.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself by my experience online.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe what I see online.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself with what I see online as a virtual reality fucking with my mind and affecting me physically and the physical world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear just being online, live, sharing myself as I am because that is not good enough, that won't accomplish the goal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself by memories of no engagement when I share myself online.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am lame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am annoying.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am obnoxious.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that no one is going to watch my videos or read my posts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to be someone else to get attention.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I cannot get attention.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I cannot get enough attention from enough people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot get people's attention when I need it or want it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having too much attention on me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about someone else reading my writing, watching my videos, listening to what I have to say, and the sort of attention I am going to receive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my process about what others will think and what others will approve of.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my sharing to be about what others will think, what others want, what others might hear, and what fears I have of other people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trap myself within public opinion and fear of that.

When and as I am online, using social media, and I see things on my wall/feed/page.. simply lurking... and reacting to what is here on the screen - I stop and I breathe.
I realize that who I am is determining what I do as I am the starting point. If I am going to simply lurk and react to what is here, then I am simply separating myself from myself and not directing what is here that is asking to be directed within me. My experience online, using myself as social media, is determined by me within/as my participation and unless I direct what is here through engagement/exercise of my keys/clicks/views - me pushing all the buttons in a way that is supporting what is best - I will have my experiences directed for me by the button-pushers as all the content-creators and influencers which would have me support a point of self-interest within myself and them where we are just participating in energy-consumption, money-making, and distraction from what is here.
I realize that I can stop this and change who I am within this experience, to start engaging within my social media as what is best for all and creating content of my own to impulse the point of what is best for all within my sphere of influence and to accumulate the world I want to see through the example of who I am - that which is/will be multiplied by my impulse.

Thus,

I commit myself to changing my online presence and my online experience through supporting myself using writing/self-forgiveness/self-corrective application - to define/redefine/live the vocabulary of the internet / the online experience / social-media presence in ways that is best for all - in ways that is effective so that my time here is not wasted and I may extend my reach using the tools of the world wide web.

I commit myself to seeing/realizing/understanding how social media works, how the online system and game is played, so that I can navigate it to the best of my ability and learn what works best.

I commit myself to understanding the way people use the internet and the way their mind works when it comes to attention, interest, and engagement/participation so that I may be effective in reaching them.

I commit myself to knowing my audience and studying what is necessary to really know them.

I commit myself to sharing myself, what is best, the tools, the principles, and the messages that support real change.

I commit myself to learning what it means to measure my process and my progress, to then measure my process/progress within this by how many lives I can change doing this and how much can I improve my life by doing this.

I commit myself to making better videos that people are interested in watching.

I commit myself to writing better posts that people respond to because it changed something important within them, for them, because they considered what I posted for themselves.

I commit myself to creating an online presence that matters because everything I make brings people back to themselves and their physical bodies.

I commit myself to letting go of my fears about sharing and expressing myself online.

I commit myself to participating online with the people I follow/friend from a different starting point and to add to their online presence as an equal.

I commit myself to forgive myself for reactions within me that I have when reading/listening to other people's material online - to stop participating in the spite/blame/ego/conflict that we all engage in as lurkers (most of the time) and to stop commenting from that same starting point where what I put out there is only to FEED into/on the conflict/drama/energy that is being creating virtually.

I commit myself to breathing as I am using social media, staying in my body, and to stop using social media if I start to go into ego when participating.

I commit myself to realize how much of the online experience is simply ego and to be aware of how often it really is that I go into these acts of my ego virtually within the online experience.

Monday, May 16, 2022

Let's get down to BUSINESS, pt 3: Day 9

"Let's get down to business."

What does that mean?

To begin taking something seriously, to get started on doing what needs to be done, to focus on the important things, let's do what we came here for and get to the point.

Why so quickly after writing about starting point and where my journey began would I go straight to this?

Because the point of business, building a business, and what this word means stands out to me as the way to solve my survival point, to create the future deliberately, and to live the expression of my purpose. 
The business I am here to create is part of my process. TechnoTutor is like the word Desteni in that when I found it, it gave me a new context for everything up until that point and gave me a vision of the future that I stood by in words before understanding practical steps and to now have the chance to stand by that vision in/with my actions practically. It is a point within the outer change that lines up with the inner change.

Continuing with the inspiration of this self-forgiveness on business:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait in hopes that things within my business, within my life, will become easier before I pick it up again. The only way it will get easier if I practice and do the hard things to build my business.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to push through my resistances to pitching people and booking presentations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage my business by secretly wanting it to fail and wanting to get around doing the most important actions that grow my business.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid doing the actions that grow my business.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to conveniently forget to contact someone or follow up with someone I could give a presentation to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my unconscious fear of doing a presentation, which is speaking in front of others, to direct me so that I never give a presentation or find any excuse or justification not to ask for one, not to schedule in the specific time for one, and to not follow up or show up when and as expected for a presentation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to simply forget about my business and erase it from my mind and body so that I don't have to face myself and my fears that come with building my business.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that eventually i'll just figure this out and start making sales without any consideration or regard for what would eventually lead me to make a sale and figuring it out enough to do so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to riddle myself with thoughts, beliefs, excuses, justifications, fears, feelings, opinions, limitations, and all matter of explanations about my progress within business, my numbers within the business, my actions or lack of action within the business so that i'm confused, left with a puzzle to put together, and full of holes so that I am always just trying to fill in these holes/gaps in my understanding - many or most of which are self-created bullshit/confusion because what is underneath is just fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create this confusion within me to deceive myself into thinking/believing I don't know enough or that, "see, this is questionable and you have doubts so there is no reason to move yourself and build this, there is no reason to bother others with this because you are full of shit." - all so that I do not take action and to spite myself/others and remain as I am - lost in thoughts/feelings/emotions/the mind - protected from my fears and facing them as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear building my business.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear taking responsibility for building my business and doing the actions that are required to build the business every day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate working.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear working.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I could build a business without working every day at doing so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lack work ethic.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as lazy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore all the different parts of business as the words making up the entire vocabulary of what business is / involves / requires such as "work" - where it is clear to me that I have programming within that word that doesn't work that well, therefore I don't work that well in my own life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to overcomplicate building a business within my mind by thinking about things in separation from each other and by trying to understand something I have not lived and walked yet, instead of realizing that business is simple as 1 + 1 common sense application every day... I can work out the details as a written plan of what to do every day to grow the business by identifying the +1 that makes it bigger/better than it was before and then do that every day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rather give into addictions every day instead of building my business or living purposefully and focused.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse/misuse/use my "free" time, which is not free, to participate in my addictions as the mind to get energy / be stimulated with energy and feel good/hyper/excited/energetic/orgasmic/like a winner instead of building what is best for all as myself so that I/We no longer have to live in fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always be thinking about and focusing on my feelings/emotions as energy instead of who I am here and what I can see I can do in a moment that is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect physically building my business by asking for dates/times to book presentations with people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold back from asking to give someone a presentation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear setting the intention of physically building my business by booking presentations and following through on booking those presentations and giving those presentations

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never fully intend and commit to pitching someone, booking a presentation with them, following up with them, following-through with them, and closing them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear doing every step correctly and intending to do each step correctly each time until I see a result, where I always tend to believe that I won't get to step one, past step two, or if I somehow make it to step 3 I will never be able to close them as I fumble over questions and things to say.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear asking another person to see my presentation or fear pitching another person because I know that I will come off as timid, shy, scared, weird, awkward, or salesy and like maybe what i'm doing is a scam... but it will definitely come off as if what i'm doing doesn't work because I am not confident in myself talking about it and bringing it up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to work more on the mental aspect of building a business as building the business-mind instead of building both the business-mind AND the physical business 100% equally as the inner = outer and they reflect each other.. if they are not equal within/without then it is a lie.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lie to myself about building my business when I am not building the business-mind nor building my business physically consistently or in any clear way, simply throwing myself at a situation and recoiling mentally from the experience and going into reactions to what I experienced and layering the fear and memory of the experience into me without actually processing it, learning from it, forgiving myself within it, and correcting my stance/position/walk within it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed one bad experience after another to accumulate within me as a reason/justification/excuse for giving up and discontinuing efforts or the quality of my efforts to build a business physically and to build my business-mind effectively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear becoming or being "THAT guy" to my friends, family, and social network as the guy who is always talking about 1 thing and selling 1 thing... where every conversation I have ends up being about this 1 thing - not realizing that it is a magnificent obsession with ONE THING that allows one to become successful as you work at it every day until it is done / built perfectly / self-evident to all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear showing who I am as what I am really interested in, sharing what I am dying to talk about, showing what I think about and do every day as my magnificent obsession - for fear of looking crazy, retarded, autistic, too-much, over-the-top, weird, cultish, or socially inept.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear sharing what I want to share because I might be too passionate, within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear passion and expressing myself passionately - only for no one else to care like I do or engage in what I am sharing with as much passion as I have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress my passionate expression to avoid the self-judgment and the experience of vulnerability.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for my passion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to censor myself and suppress my self-expression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear acting crazy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of myself and expressing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what other people will think of me which is actually what I am thinking of myself as I face my self-judgment in their judgment I projected.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to confuse myself and my thoughts with other people and their thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that I do not have to accept and allow other people's facial expressions, thoughts that are spoken, and body language to influence my experience of myself and that I am often interpreting what they are showing/sharing from my own self-judgment with my self-esteem issues and victim mentality where I may often perceive an attack or insult where there is none.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to conform to what other's want to hear as the things they want to talk about, entertaining their bullshit and mind-entertainment, instead of talking about what I am focused on with changing my self internally/externally as my mind and the world, my being, my body, and the systems in the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear talking about what is important to me such as purpose, self-change, self-responsibility, this process, these tools, my business, community creation, principles, and what it means to live the best versions of ourselves and what it means to live what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that what my business entails, what my business is connected to is more than just a program - more than just a group - and that what comes with me as my business is all that is important to me.. important to life.. as what we as those in my business are taking responsibility for is points within all of us that are critical to the future of this planet, critical to all lives and especially critical to children who will be left with what we leave them.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand what my business here actually is as what responsibility I have accepted into my life as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe I can just write out all my problems and forgive them in writing, then it will all be done and here I am finished - not realizing or understanding that I must walk into the physical and live the words I have wrote here - that I must stand up and move into this world as the correction, the example, the understanding, and show to myself and everyone here that I am forgiven and I am living my word as what is best for all to gift/give to all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do the complete opposite and swing to thoughts and beliefs that writing is useless and that self-forgiveness is wasting time because of the potential mistake that I described above, where I may get stuck just writing things out and staying inside... staying at my computer or at my book... never standing up and moving out here to show myself that I understand, that I have corrected, that I am living my words and that what I am living is what is best.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trap myself in thinking errors in many devious and subtle ways, where for instance I realize that I am lying to myself, deceiving myself, or playing a game on myself within what/how/why I am applying myself.... so then I stop what I am applying all together despite the value of the application, ignoring that my starting point and approach to my application is what is erroneous, and thus going without tools/principles/support/applications that are actually helping me and sabotaging my process.


When and as I see myself in my head thinking about building business or who I am / how I see myself in business, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I am not thinking about actually building my business in a constructive way with the intent or commitment to take action on my ideas... that my ideas are often not actionable thoughts as i'm thinking about my insecurities, my past, my weaknesses, my traumatic experiences, my fear, and substracting from myself / my physical movement / my business.


Thus, I commit myself to assist and support myself through writing, self forgiveness, and self-corrective application to let go of these unsupportive patterns of my mind that I embody and live when I am faced with moments of opportunity to build my business.

I commit myself to stop participating in my mind as the inaction, the inner-action, that actively prevents me from building my business - that retards my movement as it impedes my forward movement to do the simple and necessary actions to see my business grow.

I commit myself to eliminate my weaknesses and face my fears when it comes to building my business, such as the fear of "being that guy" and pushing myself to sell someone by going all out on them.

I commit myself to creating more situations and events where I must face myself and make a decision on who I am in that moment - fear or myself, present, and expressing my potential.

I commit myself to connecting with more people, to meet myself in another, to face myself in another, and to create my community and my business by doing the math of 1 + 1 = accumulating the others who are willing, able, and wanting to stand equal to me, stand equal with me in this purpose, and create the example of the world we want to live in.

I commit myself to express myself and share myself, even when I am afraid, because expression is more powerful than fear and I have been suppressing my self-expression for years because of fear of others.

I commit myself to direct myself and remind myself that I am the directive authority, the self-directive principle of my life and that unless I direct myself as life - I will be directed by my mind as all that has passed, all that I have missed, and be controlled by automated systems of the mind to make decisions that are not best for me.

I commit myself to make decisions that are best for all and best for me, to consider what is actually best for me instead of going with what my mind conjures up that I do not challenge but go with anyway because it is familiar.

I commit myself to create what I would like to experience for myself and to share that with others.

I commit myself to change what I accept and allow within myself and to showing myself that I do not have to accept and allow what I have been accepting and allowing.

I commit myself to achieve my 20/6/1, starting with keeping track of my pitches, presentations, and sales.

I commit myself to the goal of one more sale and to constantly remind myself that it is possible if I take action and that I can take that action today if I would dare, the action being to speak to someone with the intent to share my pitch, give them a presentation, and sell them TechnoTutor.

I commit myself to scheduling time to present to people that I ask to give presentations to.

I commit myself to scheduling a presentation this week.

I commit myself to letting go of my fear.

I commit myself to feeling the fear and doing it anyway.

I commit myself to learning what it really means to build my business.

Sunday, May 1, 2022

Let's get down to BUSINESS, pt 2: Day 8

"I can't even sell my mom on what i'm doing"

Yesterday, my mom called after I made a live video giving context for the importance of TechnoTutor and to pitch/sell it in a video. She essentially talked about what I could've done better and even though she clearly understands TechnoTutor for herself.. seeing the benefit in it.. and how it helped her when she saw it... she hasn't bought it because she doesn't have the money. I know that isn't valid though because she has come up with money out of nowhere for other things before just like I have. You make it happen for stuff that is important to you. Anyway, talking to her brought out reactions/emotions/thoughts/judgments/energy about BUSINESS and SALES. It brought up specific things i'm facing within my immediate family/friends where I have to look at my own programming. It stung quite a bit if I am honest with myself because she brought up the points about how long i've been doing this and still haven't made it into a successful business. She always has many ideas about how I could run the business or get interest or sell the product - but she hasn't bought it herself. (so wtf?)

Continuing the Self-Forgiveness from yesterday with these additional points:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my ability to sell based on if I have sold my family or not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that no one will buy from me because I have not sold my mom, my dad, my wife, or anyone I know personally on what I am doing or what I am selling.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I cannot sell.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I cannot communicate effectively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am not persuasive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I cannot change my abilities, capacities, and who I am to be able to persuade others, communicate effectively, and sell.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that something is wrong with me because I cannot get anyone to fully join me in what I am doing with TechnoTutor, Desteni, or Self-Perfected.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear looking at my results, my feedback, and where I am lacking / missing something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the worst case scenario being true about me, which is that I am a nobody, what i'm doing is unimportant to everyone but me, that i'm not special, and i'm not worth listening to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage my efforts and my learning by exaggerating my failures and hurting myself with insecurities that I blow out of proportion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself by the worst within me/my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start attacking myself everywhere I have a weakness, insecurity, or fear because I am missing something and because I don't know what it is that i'm missing I start going after myself for everything I can see is wrong with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed emotional instability within my business and my content creation, where I cannot receive feedback constructively and apply it to my benefit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to people who have never built a business before or sold a product successfully on what I should to do build my business or sell my product.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear hearing negative feedback about what i'm doing, creating, or sharing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear haters.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear judgment expressed out loud or publicly and directly to me/at me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel and participate in the feeling of discouragement/disheartened when I receive feedback that I interpret as a negative, essentially saying what I did wasn't very good / it didn't work / they didn't like it / they're not convinced / they're not sold.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself fear that it is too late for me to sell TechnoTutor.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this fear of TechnoTutor, selling TechnoTutor, talking about TechnoTutor, to grow until I am paralyzed in my business.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my wife getting upset with me for not selling TechnoTutor.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that Zoe will divorce me if I don't start making more money by selling TechnoTutor and if I don't sell TechnoTutor that I better do something else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that building my business won't work out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be secretly planning for my business to not work out by thinking about that fear in the back of my mind and what I will do or will have to do if it doesn't work out... instead of what I will do when it does work out and what I will do to make it work out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only think about my fears, my self-judgment, my emotions and feelings, and all these things that don't actually have to do with building my business but rather who I will be / who I am / how i'll be in all these different scenarios/situations/imagined events regarding my business instead of looking at and understanding what I will do to build my business, what is required of me every day to actually build my business, and actually doing the daily actions to build my business.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get wrapped up in these mental experiences of fear and these projections of myself in business.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear feeling bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear feeling bad in front of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear feeling bad in front of others and that experience being exposed to others for them to talk about/gossip about/judge for themselves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear other people recognizing that I feel bad about what i'm doing or what i'm sharing or who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide and isolate from others when I feel bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stop what i'm doing because I feel bad about who I am, what I am doing, or what i'm sharing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself and my experience when I feel bad because I don't want to know what it is or what's going on with me and I don't want to face the bad feelings or to experience them in front of others who can see/recognize it and potentially judge me for it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress the experiences I must go through and/or direct as they're the experiences that come up for me to face- to instead bring them up in writing, breathe through them in real time, and investigate openly for solutions and to apply myself in a way that is best.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to sell.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to share.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to communicate effectively.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to close my mom.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to close my wife.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to prove I can do this.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to clear myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be clouded by fear, judgment, worry, and backchat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my preferences in how I should/would/want-to feel, what I should/shouldn't do (because of what i'm comfortable with), how I do or don't look, and what people will/won't think of me to prevent me from building my business, sharing my self, selling my products/tools/services, or doing anything that would be best for me and best for all as that which moves us forward.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my preferences to limit me from living effectively and changing, within this I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to change when it is clear my preferences are holding me back as my preferences are my comfort zone.

When and as I am conducting business, sharing myself, selling my products/services/system, and promoting what I see matters and then I receive criticism, negativity, or attacks from someone - I STOP and I BREATHE. 

I look at if I am reacting and what I am reacting to if I am in-fact reacting.
I look at who would I be if I were saying these things, placing myself in their shoes.
I look at the words within myself as myself and as them equally.
I forgive myself as the words, for the words, for what I am reacting to within the words and to then be brutally honest with myself.
I share what I see with that person who is criticizing/attacking/negating me.
I stop the attack within myself, I don't accept or allow myself to turn against myself simply because they are going into conflict about what I express.

I realize what they are saying may not be what they are saying. It might be my interpretation, my fear, and my lack of understanding/vocabulary. I realize I can make these considerations in those moments and step out of my reaction.

I ask questions to clarify what is happening, questions for them and for myself.

I commit myself to understand what it is within me that is actually causing objections to my business, to my purpose that I am promoting, to my product that I am selling, to me as a person, and to the specific things I am saying.

I commit myself to stop and remove the problems within me/my mind that prevent me from building my business effectively.

I commit myself to facing my fear of other people and what they might say or do.

I commit myself to live more daringly in spite of my comfort zone with regards to advancing myself within my business, my purpose, and my life.

I commit myself to share more about my business.

I commit myself to share more about what I care about.

I commit myself to learn to hit my 20/6/1 in my business.

I commit myself to program myself to be/become an effective businessman, knowing that I wasn't preprogrammed to be/become this, and within this I commit myself to do what an effective businessman does to build their business.

I commit myself to facing all my negative feelings and thoughts about building a business, about myself doing what needs to be done, and forgiving everything that is within me holding me back until it is done - until it is no more - until I have missed nothing. I understand this will take time and I must be vigilant for it to be done.

I commit myself to building the business mind in tandem with building my external business.

I commit myself to creating absolute certainty within me, within my business, within my purpose, and within what I am here to share/sell/create.

I commit myself to focus on building my business to create money.

I commit myself to focus on my business instead of people or money.

I commit myself to move beyond morality judgments of myself in building my business to become effective and to free myself from other's influence in how I build my business.

I commit myself to consistent, persistent effort and clarity in building my business.

I commit myself to walking the business point within my writing until I am self-perfected within my business.

I commit myself to reminding myself that I can do this with the tools I have, I can build the business mind and I can build the business externally. I have what most of the world does not, that makes this all possible.

I commit myself to using my tools effectively and consistently to building what is best for all as my business, my vision for the world, a new system, a new me, a life that all can have.