Build the Business: Day 3

 I am about do my first door knocking session within the hour of writing this.
As the moment approaches, the fear kicks in and starts building up.
I won't be able to change it all just by writing, so I am only here to write in support of myself in the action.
The education that will lead to certainty and sharing, eliminating my fears and doubts, comes from due-action, from doing action. 
Education = Due action.
I am pursuing a real education when I take action.

Self-Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear building my business by taking action through door knocking, where I would rather "build the business" through "building the business mind" at home where my education is first and foremost informational. Information is useful but in itself doesn't produce the results, so it is of utmost importance to go where my level of education is truly revealed and developed = in practice as due-actions, doing the actions as/when they're due to produce the intended result.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the fear getting out of control and causing me to sweat, stutter, freeze, or act weird/awkward as i'm door knocking or talking to the people behind the doors.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget my tools which will support me when I use them to deal with the internal experiences of fear, emotions/feelings, backchat, and ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take myself too seriously as a fear of fucking things up and taking things personally because I have high expectations for myself and want this to work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as serious.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing control of myself when door knocking and talking to people because I want to project a certain self-image to them and worry they won't see me that way if I lose control.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to control the people whose doors I knock on to see me a certain way and to accept me, like me, and be interested in what I have to offer.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to need to be liked and accepted.

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I door knocked after writing the first part of the blog 2 days ago. I have about a half hour before I go out door knocking again today. The anxiety builds up on the day of and it's the waiting to do it that exacerbates the experience. The fear is still present when door knocking, but going through with it again and again, it becomes other things like adrenaline, excitement, funny, ridiculous, flustered, and it's like different stages or waves with new experiences accompanying them. I felt like I walked through a house of distorted mirrors. Right now I am more settled and confident I will do this, that I will walk out the door, and that i'm not going to quit, but the feeling in my chest is like "I know i'm going to look stupid/feel stupid and maybe embarrass myself". Which, I actually don't know that, I know I felt stupid or like a bit confused last time. I didn't know how the script would flow from me and my heart would jump out of my chest at first, so I wasn't sure if I was going to get the words out of my mouth or if I would freeze. I was afraid I was going to be incapacitated or too handicapped by the fear and my emotions to function properly to get it done. BUT I did it and I kept composure to where I don't think I looked stupid. So, I could come across to them way different than I am seeing myself, judging myself, and how i'm feeling about myself. 

I almost backed out of working today because it was pouring rain earlier and it was a convenient excuse my ego wanted to use to not have to do anything today.
I got support from Jewell which he freely offered and that helped ground me and get my head on straight to do the work that is necessary for the business.

Anyway, I am here to face and transcend my fear of generating leads for my business, to find one potential client, book a presentation, and have an impact on my local community that is best.
I am here to do the act that builds my trust in myself to build my business and have the impact that is best for my community.


Self-Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take convenient excuses to not have to do the work to build my business and make money, such as when it was pouring rain, where it would not have been best to work in the rain but because that was true, it was perfect for me to use as an excuse and get away with it. I see myself though and know that I was abusing it to not have to do the work and face my fears.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed fear to reside in my body, in my chest, and become comfortably situated in that experience of fear, allowing my fear to dictate what I will do and what I will not do - even to what extent I will/will not do it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to protect myself as fear from exposure, from challenge, from removal, and to hide myself as my fear in silence within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide the operation of self-sabotage within me in silence, where I see this secret activity in me as the energies, thoughts, emotions, and imaginations moving within me, experiencing them, as they concoct a story and give me instruction on what to do or what not to do to "be safe", to "not panic", to "not go into the fear, just stay away". Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress the fear and the self-sabotaging operations I see within my mind, where I am pushing them away or pushing them down, to ignore them as the time approaches for me to do the thing I am in fear of and going into self-sabotage about.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support myself living in fear within my mind and sabotaging all my efforts to build my business, challenge myself, grow in my process, and LIVE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to panic when I am walking up to a door.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to trust myself to door knock.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sick thinking about door knocking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my feelings getting hurt.

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I just got back from doing door knocking. A couple things got in the way before I could go at my allotted time. When I finally got back home, I went and knocked a whole street. I was shocked at some people's reaction and at how quickly I would give up or refuse to push something that I could have pushed. I was also a bit disappointed at my ability to think on my feet and to give the whole pitch and introduce myself correctly. The first house with kids I knocked on, the mother answered and was kind but quiet. They had kids right there with them and said she didn't think they needed it. I just said "that's perfectly okay, thank you." and left. The other house with kids, she said, "oh my kiddos aren't at that age yet, sorry.". "that's perfectly okay, thank you". I could have said something about kids developing to the level of their parents, but didn't. I didn't think on my feet. I let it go. First sign of resistance and I bounced. Another day, a grandma answered. I mentioned doing assessments for people who have kids, and she said, "I don't have kids in the house." - "okay that's perfectly okay, thank you.". There was kids toys on the porch so I know she was a grandma. I didn't push it or ask for a referral. Last house with kids: "I'm not sure we need that, my kids are in private school and they're excelling in what they do." AND THEN the kid complained cause HE wanted to do the assessment. He wanted her to change her mind. I said, "Are you sure? Not even to see where they're at?" - nope. I tried to even use the kids reaction on her because it was funny and I thought it'd be an obvious pain point, she's denying that her kid even wants to see. 

Yeah, so that's the summary of the doors that answered. In 30 minutes a lot came up for me to face and I could fill up a few blogs just on that small time frame. 

Self-Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on persuading someone to book an appointment the moment they give me a sign of resistance or disinterest, choosing to say, "that's perfectly okay" and moving on as an easy way of avoiding potential conflict or discomfort for myself . Being happy to just have knocked the door and offered the assessment without pitching them or anything else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be complacent with a little effort to pitch someone, but little to no effort in persuading them beyond their objection, resistance, dismissal, or disinterest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear challenging the parents who answer the door about their excuse, disinterest, dismissal, resistance, and/or objection when they clearly have kids that could benefit from the presentation/assessment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up at the first sign of failure or conflict when door knocking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear upsetting the people who answer the door by pushing and to instead be a push over so that neither of us have to become uncomfortable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trigger sales resistance unnecessarily in the people who answer the door with my body language, tonality, or word choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be easily stumped by people's excuses and justifications.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to think quickly on my feet when people give me an objection, a rejection, or a sign of resistance.

Self-Commitments in Next Blog