Saturday, March 19, 2022

Start as You Mean to Go On: Day 2

 Examining the words Starting Point before continuing on with my previous post:

The Starting Point Determines Everything.
The Beginning was Placed at the End.
How things Begin is (often) how they End.
(this is why Change is so important, because the Origin of What is Here is fucked)
Input = Output
What is First will be Last and what is Last will be First.
(referencing and applying the Principle of Everything is in Reverse)


Why I am asking these questions below is not to search. It is to access myself as a whole for REsearch.
I am here and what exists inside me is everything relevant to me and the QUESTion.
Everything is here, the resources are available, so the question is always about accessing what is here.
Why am I here, writing about this?
Why am I here, participating in this process?

Because to correct my starting point means I correct where I will arrive.. my destination. In this context, we can say my starting point is also my destiny.

the hidden power believed to control what will happen in the future; fate.

The Beginning was Placed at the End. The Starting Point Determines Everything.

Thus, I found Desteni which emphasizes exactly this point. Demonstrating the central importance of walking back through my memories to the origin of my Self with Self-Forgiveness.

I am here because I know what i've accepted and allowed throughout my life is not okay and I have compromised my life with what I have participated in. I see what has become of myself and the consequences of giving up, living in a cycle that I created.

What is clear to me about myself within my starting point is that I will always come back here until I do this all the way and give everything I have, until I can actually DO IT - until IT IS DONE. 
I get a flash memory of this old man I saw on some article or news clip, he was in his 70s or higher. He had taken his driver's license test too many times to count in his life. Such a simple thing to most people, and he did it for years until they finally granted him one. 
I think of him because I can see that determination in myself.
The failures have felt miserable and I did not immediately get back up every time. I do not always immediately get back up and apply myself again. Yet, here I am and I will always find a way.

My starting point is full of shit. Even in what I just wrote, there are more layers that need to be expressed and cleared up within this process. It is a mess, yet in it is some understanding and not all is lost.

I am writing this to (re)start my process (again) with the best foot forward. I am participating in this process because of my potential which I know deep down is more than what i've accepted. 

I am weary and wary because I am aware of where I began, where things went, and where it's ended before. 
My reluctance to walk process is based in fear of my patterns from my past.
Thus my memories surrounding how I began, what I faced, and where I fell is what I will process with self-forgiveness again.

I will move slower within myself as I walk this out and make time to be thorough in my self-examination. There are multiple dimensions to assess for my solution and I will access everything relevant to the point.
I have not even wrote a self-forgiveness statement yet because I want to see what stories I tell myself about this and what sort of explanations + questions arise from that.

What I have gathered from my writing thus far is my correction is to stop where I am at, standing before everything here on this page in my words, and start with all the fucked up shit I can see from the beginning.
To get clear on what this process means to me, why do I even want to do this, and sift through my answers using my bullshit filter to get to the bottom of this.

It is said to do this for your self. The only way for me to do that is to answer with what that means. I don't have the most precise specifics. Just what I found out when I used the tools. There was benefits. There is benefits. I can see the development of my potential. I was more certain and stable. Life definitely got better as I was consistent and genuine in my learning of them. That is why I want to do this for myself at the moment, because that was awesome and powerful.

Next blog, I will take this spelled out intention to practice with the structured process and the tools I understand. I will be (re)learning what I already know and seeing what will be most effective. I already have questions in terms of what will work best. All I know now is to trust the process and see what happens in the moment of application.

To here for now.

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