Online Presence / Internet Participant: Day 10

 Inspired by these interviews and a realization I had about my relationship with the internet and social media:

Living in a Virtual World

When Virtual Self does not Match the Real Self

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I have to be fake online in order to gain a following and get views, likes, comments, reacts, and shares on my posts/videos/lives/pictures/etc.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my success online by/through gaining a massive following, instead of by/through how many people are actually changing their lives through what I post/share/create/express.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my real life fall apart while my online presence and life is seemingly pristine, perfect, and happy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear sharing who I really am and what I am really going through online because of who is out there that might spite me with the vulnerability of sharing my real self online.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship with being online and creating a social media presence that is actually abusive to me and to others who find my page because of the participation in self-suppression, the projection of a fake reality that I put out there, and the stimulation of conflict within them where they compare themselves against me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself by the amount of attention I receive online.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself by the amount of followers I have online within my different accounts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a lurker online where I am essentially a nobody, I am invisible, and all I do is view/read/observe/watch things and people online.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as inferior to social media celebrities/influencers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having no followers online.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear no one liking, sharing, or commenting on any of my content.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to obsess over getting attention online, with how many likes, views, followers, shares, comments, video responses/etc I am getting from others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe I have nothing worth sharing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in simply making other people famous because they want our attention and were good at getting it, yet they have no message of what is best for all and offer no support in terms of real change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear looking at my experience online, specifically within social media which is like a game... because certain people are winning with their online celebrity status and others are losing wherein we simply follow them, consume their content, and our pages are made up of these pages that have amassed a certain level of influence online.. and if you are choosing to produce content, it is like competing for the most likes/views/comments/engagement/reactions with the content so you can grow your page, expand your influence, and have a better time on your social media.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear cancel culture online and getting cancelled online for something I wrote or said.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to censor myself because I am afraid of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to submit to this experience of myself on social media where I am lost in a sea of information. lost in a sea of entertainment media, and looking for my place within this where I can get some attention, some engagement, some real movement from.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from social media and my general online experience, to project and live a different self on here, as if I have a second life - instead of standing one and equal to what I see here on/as/in the internet/social media and supporting myself with/as all of it as I am equal and one to it and I have tools to process what I am going through within it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within my social media and internet experience to what I have experienced thus far and to the judgments I have of it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as an internet lurker, a social media lurker, where all I do is view things and look at them - rarely sharing, liking, commenting, engaging, and directing what is here as myself... rarely putting who I am into what I am seeing and setting the example of the world I want to live in.. simply judging the world I have stepped into.. and the glimpses of examples I am given/receiving.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within/on the internet/social media from a point of judgment/spite/blame/separation/reaction where the primary thing that happens when I come on here is I go into negative experiences about myself and about others.. as I view pictures and words from others... looking for what I like, looking on my FEED for what I will FEED off of today... sometimes and often it is stuff I judge negatively, other times it is stuff that is sort of interesting, and sometimes it is stuff I really enjoy - but what I notice I do the most on social media is I am hater and a lurker.. I am making horrible judgments about others that I see online for how they look, sound, what they share.. what they post... I am a silent judge and jury.. a silent hater lurking to pass judgment and move on, spiting what it is that is in my feed and that I will feed off of.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lurk, instead of actively participating online and sharing - directing myself, my experience, and the internet with my participation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lurk because I am afraid of sharing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that lurking is hiding and that you hide when you're afraid of sharing/standing out/being visible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide behind my screen and anonymity online / on social media while the ones who dare to share, to create content and post it, to express themselves openly, to take on the fear and risk of judgment will be the ones directing the experience we are all having online as the feed/wall/streams are created by them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold back from sharing online.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear sharing too much.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear annoying people with what I post or create.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to care what people think of what I am sharing and posting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear sharing my face online because of how I look or what people might say about my looks.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear looking ugly and people noticing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear looking tired and people noticing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear taking a selfie because of how I look.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear how I look.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for looking ugly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for looking tired.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist sharing myself because of how I sound.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist sharing myself because of how I look.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stop sharing myself because somebody said something mean to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stop sharing myself because I don't know everything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on using the internet and social media.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear using social media and the internet in the wrong way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear going live on video.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge people online.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spite others online.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear people seeing me for who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stop being myself just because I am online.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself by my experience online.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe what I see online.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself with what I see online as a virtual reality fucking with my mind and affecting me physically and the physical world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear just being online, live, sharing myself as I am because that is not good enough, that won't accomplish the goal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself by memories of no engagement when I share myself online.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am lame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am annoying.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am obnoxious.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that no one is going to watch my videos or read my posts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to be someone else to get attention.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I cannot get attention.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I cannot get enough attention from enough people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot get people's attention when I need it or want it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having too much attention on me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about someone else reading my writing, watching my videos, listening to what I have to say, and the sort of attention I am going to receive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my process about what others will think and what others will approve of.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my sharing to be about what others will think, what others want, what others might hear, and what fears I have of other people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trap myself within public opinion and fear of that.

When and as I am online, using social media, and I see things on my wall/feed/page.. simply lurking... and reacting to what is here on the screen - I stop and I breathe.
I realize that who I am is determining what I do as I am the starting point. If I am going to simply lurk and react to what is here, then I am simply separating myself from myself and not directing what is here that is asking to be directed within me. My experience online, using myself as social media, is determined by me within/as my participation and unless I direct what is here through engagement/exercise of my keys/clicks/views - me pushing all the buttons in a way that is supporting what is best - I will have my experiences directed for me by the button-pushers as all the content-creators and influencers which would have me support a point of self-interest within myself and them where we are just participating in energy-consumption, money-making, and distraction from what is here.
I realize that I can stop this and change who I am within this experience, to start engaging within my social media as what is best for all and creating content of my own to impulse the point of what is best for all within my sphere of influence and to accumulate the world I want to see through the example of who I am - that which is/will be multiplied by my impulse.

Thus,

I commit myself to changing my online presence and my online experience through supporting myself using writing/self-forgiveness/self-corrective application - to define/redefine/live the vocabulary of the internet / the online experience / social-media presence in ways that is best for all - in ways that is effective so that my time here is not wasted and I may extend my reach using the tools of the world wide web.

I commit myself to seeing/realizing/understanding how social media works, how the online system and game is played, so that I can navigate it to the best of my ability and learn what works best.

I commit myself to understanding the way people use the internet and the way their mind works when it comes to attention, interest, and engagement/participation so that I may be effective in reaching them.

I commit myself to knowing my audience and studying what is necessary to really know them.

I commit myself to sharing myself, what is best, the tools, the principles, and the messages that support real change.

I commit myself to learning what it means to measure my process and my progress, to then measure my process/progress within this by how many lives I can change doing this and how much can I improve my life by doing this.

I commit myself to making better videos that people are interested in watching.

I commit myself to writing better posts that people respond to because it changed something important within them, for them, because they considered what I posted for themselves.

I commit myself to creating an online presence that matters because everything I make brings people back to themselves and their physical bodies.

I commit myself to letting go of my fears about sharing and expressing myself online.

I commit myself to participating online with the people I follow/friend from a different starting point and to add to their online presence as an equal.

I commit myself to forgive myself for reactions within me that I have when reading/listening to other people's material online - to stop participating in the spite/blame/ego/conflict that we all engage in as lurkers (most of the time) and to stop commenting from that same starting point where what I put out there is only to FEED into/on the conflict/drama/energy that is being creating virtually.

I commit myself to breathing as I am using social media, staying in my body, and to stop using social media if I start to go into ego when participating.

I commit myself to realize how much of the online experience is simply ego and to be aware of how often it really is that I go into these acts of my ego virtually within the online experience.