Cult-like Fear and Threats : Day 16

 Zoe and I went to Miami last weekend for TechnoTutor. It was amazing and we came home with a lot to share. We made videos on our Facebooks about our experiences and posted a lot from the event. I don't know about hers, but mine was long-winded and probably uninteresting. That's my judgment without watching it. I looked for what I could say to entice people into checking us out. Some of the attention Zoe got was definitely unwanted because one of the first people to comment wanted to throw the word CULT at us, even though they "meant well". The comment was deleted and Zoe reached out to them personally to clarify. She didn't deflect from using the word cult but rather embraced it and shared a definition of the word cult that does define us.

The person responded nicely and like they simply cared about Zoe's well being. then they came over to my page and harped on my video about cults and key words like "going to the next level" that is often used to bring people in. I deleted the comment and blocked them, then eventually messaged them after talking to Zoe. When they responded to me finally, it was like they didn't clearly read what I wrote because they responded to stuff I never said and then didn't respond to my offer to talk on the phone or meet in person. I was looking to walk them through their fear by meeting with me and getting to see for themselves who we are and what we do instead of whatever they've been through or read online. I didn't respond. Cut to a couple days later and I get messaged by this person's relative and they're threatening me with, "Be real careful how you speak to my ____. They have every right to warn and inform others.". I briefly got into it with them, told Zoe about my interaction, blocked them both and since then we have been walking through our fears and reactions to the whole situation by getting help from others in our community.

My first reaction in the timeline came when Zoe got the comment warning her about joining a cult.
"I'm not in a cult/It's not what they think it is"
"Why do people want to bash what we're doing?"
"Why is this still a thing?"
"Not again"

Feelings/Emotions of fear, anger, sadness, attacked, hostile, defensiveness came up

note: after Zoe "settled" things with the person the first time, I distinctly remember saying that people were not going to believe her and think I am brainwashing her then come and attack me as the bad guy.

Other reactions were when the person went over Zoe and commented on my video:
I was insulted they didn't believe Zoe and mad they had the audacity to come to my page and start seeding doubt/fear on my shit completely unwelcomed. To me it meant they didn't believe she was capable of thinking for herself and they needed to confront me.
I deleted the comment and blocked them. I wanted them to go through Zoe to talk to me originally as a "walk of shame" for insulting Zoe. I backed out of the idea because I thought it reinforced the person in their cult beliefs of us. I can see I was doing whatever I could to prove I wasn't a cult to this person with my behavior.

Feelings/Emotions of fear, aggression, and anxiety came up

The thought of fear about this person was they would spread rumor among close family and friends and start some shit.

I thought this person was being fake, pathetic, arrogant, and deceptive. They were hiding their true nasty backchat and wanting to control us and what we were participating in. They claimed to be "highly intelligent" yet have been in 4 cults. Lots of hippy and old-school drug culture stuff on their Facebook.

They kept saying how they were well-intentioned and coming from a good place of wanting nothing but the best for us, but if that is so then why would they intentionally push this point and gossip with someone else about it?

I will stop here and move to forgive this as myself, as everyone involved and beyond.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the word cult to invoke irrational fear in others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear family members and friends saying the word cult to us and to each other about what we are doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to delete negative comments out of a reaction because I am afraid they will trigger and persuade others in my life to their viewpoint and prevent us from expanding and growing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed people's negatively charged words to hold me back from sharing, taking action, growing my business and community, and participating in my interests and what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide who I am, who is in my life, what we are doing, and why we are here because I am afraid of being called names that are negatively charged.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that these are opportunities to clear the charges of the words I have yet to clear and to understand the words that we use to bring up negative emotions in others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being run out of town by an angry mob.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear this person spreading rumors about me and Zoe that we are in a dangerous cult.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel pity for myself because people have said i'm in a cult and to go into feeling misunderstood and demonized.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize they are in fear and I do not have to participate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing confrontation and dealing with it publicly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to attack people who I perceive as attacking me because they are using negatively charged words that they know bring up fear and evil thoughts about me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear getting into a verbal altercation and even a physical altercation with someone confronting me with negatively charged words like cult, mlm, scam, or weird.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that some words like cult are by definition able to be used on anything you have a negative opinion about, because with the word cult for example you only need to regard something as sinister or strange and nothing else. Therefore, I am in a cult if they say I am. Within this, I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize I am in a cult if they say I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being what/who other people fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being the bad guy in other people's opinion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, see, and understand that a point like the word cult will keep coming up until I have personally transcended it and no longer react to it and am clear on what that word really means and how I live it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear embracing negatively charged words to understand them as myself and clarify them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing our friends and our following because of negatively charged words spreading as rumors, such as we are in a cult or we are cult leaders.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act like a cult follower or a cult leader as a character / image in the mind as this sinister, secretive, strange, and evil thing.. trying to silence all opposition and enforce the brainwashing we have.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize, see, and understand that when I go into a reaction to the word cult I am acting out unconscious programming with characters that fit the fear of the person.. so everything I am doing confirms what the person is saying and in my attempt to defend myself or attack the person, I only further reinforce the idea we are in a cult as the negatively charged definition which has many weird images/ideas/feelings/behavior within it.

When and as I see/hear the word cult, because someone is confronting me with being in a cult and implying we are doing something dangerous/sinister/strange.. I stop and I breathe.

I realize this is a word people use to bring up negativity within me and anyone else who might read or hear it.

I realize they use this word without doing any investigation and have read articles online or gossiped in their mind or someone else.

I realize they aren't likely to be interested in what we are actually doing and they are in fear.

I realize that I am what they say I am and that I am in a cult if they say so because the definition of that word is defined as such that it's completely based on opinion.

I realize that what is a cult is just an opinion.

I realize that I do not have to entertain this and go into a reaction because there is nothing to do from a certain perspective, I have to embrace that this stuff happens.

I realize that I am not alone and I am not the first person on this earth to be called a cultist, a cult follower, or a cult leader.

I realize that people actually want to be in cults and that we are all already in cults.. we've been in a cult since we were born and that I have simply changed what cult I am part of, so they are fighting on behalf of their cult.

I realize that it doesn't matter and it doesn't stop anything and can't prevent me from succeeding or sharing.

I commit myself to breathe when I see the word cult in a comment directed towards me or TechnoTutor or Desteni.

I commit myself to embrace the word cult and to have fun with it in my conversations and in my behavior.

I commit myself to like someone's comment if they say we are in a cult or want to bring up the point.

I commit myself to fully understanding and transcending the word cult.

I commit myself to walking through all my fears around being in a cult or having someone throw this word cult at me.

I commit myself to getting support from within my community and within my relationship by having conversations about this point when and if it is needed.

I commit myself to support others to face this fear of the word cult because I see how i've accepted and allowed myself to get stuck here before.

I commit myself to let go of the fear of the word cult.

I commit myself to let go of the negative energy that comes up within me in relationship to the word cult.

I commit myself to showing that the word cult is just another word and it doesn't automatically imply negativity.

I commit myself to creating a culture of what is best for all and living by principles.

I commit myself to being proud of who I am and what I am part of as TechnoTutor and Desteni.

I commit myself to the cult of life which is the only real non-cult as it is the group that everyone is part of by default.

I commit myself to standing up for myself and for those who are part of this cult.