Wednesday, April 20, 2022

Release the Stop-Hold on Life: Day 6

 To start is to end the holding-back that is a stop.
What holds my life back from beginning, again and again, is the reverse/inverted deposit - the memory of life which is/in the mind - the layers of separation from myself here - projected forward/backwards. This moment that has come to pass, gets stored in HOLDING - this storAGE is TIME-ACCUMULATED that we (re)call MEMORY.

Is what we keep a savings or a cost?
What is it costing me?
It is a reverse/inverted deposit - it is actually the accumulation of the negative - therefore a cost (such is past-due debt, which is collected/ such is memory, which is recollected)
Only giving is in addition and the only way to "keep" what I have, as it will thus become an income/input-received ... as the basic equality of a system demonstrate - input = output. 
What I put-in is what I will get-out.

Self-ForGIVEness is thus the Only Confirmed Way to RE-LEASE LIFE = BUY LIFE BACK - it is PER THE AGREED LIVING DEFINITIONS = MATHEMATICAL (though not math the way you might think of it.)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put a hold on my life to save something, to save myself as my current self-definition, to attempt to save/savor these moments which come and go, and define myself as that which has already passed - thus I define myself in/as my mind which is my memories which are technically dead and not me here in this body alive - therefore i'm living-dead as I embody the memories of me, constantly (re)living the patterns of my past as personalities, habits, addictions, relationships, etc that come with those moments which are gone.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted myself as life here and allowed myself to live here because I have accepted and allowed myself to invest so much of myself into/as the mind/memory of me - where I RECALL the EXPERIENCES of WHO I WAS as my DEFINITIONS of "ME" - conning myself with the belief that this is the accumulation of evidence of WHO I AM - not realizing that WHO I AM HERE = CREATOR OF WHO I WAS/THE PAST and ALSO therefore THE FUTURE.
Never observing the fact that HERE is wHERE the PAST and FUTURE mutually exist - LIFE IN THE PRESENT IS THE GIFT OF/FOR ALL.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold back and limit myself within/as memories that I have accumulated.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore, avoid, and deny identifying/looking at what is holding me back as my memories as the roots of my fears/beliefs/feelings/patterns which limit me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that memories/the past is the very thing that is behind me with a literal holding/contraction as tension in my back - holding me/my back and limiting my movement and expression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as memories.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live life as memories/the past/the reversed deposit of life which is dead-debt and the evil-devil and demon as that which has become my self-possession/self-definition holding me back from life itself and damning me to lesser versions of who I can be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to copy myself and layer myself into/as memories which is saying "more mes/more (of) me" and thus a separation of myself into multiple personalities as trapped expressions in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto life as a moment and store it into mind as a memory where I think that I am saving something for later, putting it into my collection for recollection, when in reality it is costing me the life that I took and converted to an inverted/reversed deposit of itself a dead-debt to be repaid with life again and again.. as life as a memory is now a past-life, unresolved.. for if it was resolved it would be integrated as lesson-learned in-the-flesh as life-here and no reminder/remainder left behind.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that all memories are past-lives to be recollected / remembered and re-leased through self-forgiveness to bring the gift of life back to self Here in the flesh wHere tHere is no more "tHere" separate from Here and Our Presence is no longer buried in layers of the past as the dead/debt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the past because I think that was life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of the past/memories/mind/knowledge because what will I do without it? How will I live? 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to depend on my mind, my memories, my past, and my knowledge derived from that to guide me in life and direct me in any given situation... to look for patterns that are repeating and that I am familiar with... even though those patterns are often my projections and it is me bringing them to surface and into living.

When and as I see myself holding back because of memories and the fears / limitations that come with that, I stop and I breathe. I remember myself within this moment and realize that I was here when that memory was created and I am here still, now witnessing the consequence of this memory I created. I can let go of the memory which is holding me back. I can investigate the memory and reverse it as myself to live what is best HERE to "keep what is good" instead of only remembering/recalling the experience as a haunting positive/negative where I am nostalgic/longing/desperate/in-separation/inferior/limited to the past. I bring it all here as myself to be a whole - thus the integration of an integer in time.

I commit myself to realize through living and applying myself that memory isn't real and that it is only real because we embody it as the flesh and that self exist in reverse as a memory deposited/stored in the cells of the flesh to be re-leased from it's prison. Thus I also commit myself to realize in my living, to investigate in my words, and to share/show myself as all that self-forgiveness is the specifically named mechanism/tool/expression which define the release, the letting go of, re-lease, redemption, atonement, absolution, discharge, and so on and so forth of self from the various dimensions and layers of our prison.

I commit myself to remembering myself within my memories - the self that is always here, past/present/future/timelessly - to see/understand/realize that I wasn't defined at the time/by the time and that it was ME that defined MYSELF by the time/at the time and so I can stop defining myself within these moments of time and these experiences within them... Who I am is not a memory and the self-definition, I am the one creating these definitions and these memories. I (re)call them the way I do and participate in the self-definition process thereof.

I commit myself to writing self-forgiveness, self-corrective applications, and investigations into/on these memories I hold and that hold me back. I commit myself to being specific about these memories and honest with myself so that I see/understand/realize the devil in the details as the details themselves reveal me to myself where I have defined myself in the past, where I am hiding something, where I am limiting myself, where I am tempting myself to "go back"...

I commit myself to filling in all the gaps and the blanks in my understanding of this process and the vocabulary that specifically makes it up, so that through self-education I can actually articulate this whole thing as myself and thus move myself within it effectively. This commitment to myself looks like asking myself questions where I have to explain what I already understand to myself and walk me through each detail as if I was starting from the beginning. This post and the video I made on Self-Forgiveness as The Only Way is an example, because I took on a challenge made within this process by Bernard and it was in that process of taking on the challenge and living the principle of "Visibly Living the Principles" that I made something pretty cool to myself.

I commit myself to breathing and being here in my physical body, bringing myself as what is here into the flesh.

I commit myself to remember that life is here.

I commit myself to learning to physically do something with these words by looking for/defining the physical match as I know the physical is the place of practice.

I can specify this by looking at what I fear doing and what memory is attached to it so I can then do (within reason) what it is I am not doing. The mind would have me not, and so life would have me challenge it.

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