Monday, April 4, 2022

The Star in Starting: Day 4

I will expand myself reflexively through reflection on my first post, again to gain, starting with these 3 parts:

"It's all here as me/with me. What does that mean? I look at myself/my experience while I also look at this page I am filling with words. Here in my body, mind, and being is the direct answer to my starting point. To what degree i'll be able to access the most important points for myself to examine, I am not certain, although I can certainly access what's in my face - that's the interface/surface of my programming. 

I am here because I am still fucked and I want to be free. I am here writing this because I want to support myself again within writing. I am here because I know if I can balance myself and my time within using all the tools available in this process, I will become the person I dream of.

As i've grown older, I see that I was preprogrammed to fail miserably in life with great potential held in front of me like a carrot stick. "

The Star at the Start is the Great Potential I Dream of.
I know who I am and who I can become, I know the potential exists in me - clouded by disasters of my mind.

I was a Starry-Eyed Child with the Promise of Potential to BE ANYTHING and I was already Great and Amazing!

The carrot on the stick was this magic in the air, up above in the sky, just as the stars sit above our heads.

I have wrote about the word Star before, so I can see multiple dimensions here to look into.

I have been challenged with a process of investigating my WHY, my PURPOSE, and that shined some light that comes back to what I see in myself as the Star before the Start.


Star Definitions for Reference:

- a heavenly body
- a data or communication network in which all nodes are independently connected to one central unit.
- an outstandingly good or successful person or thing in a group.
- a star symbol used to indicate a category of excellence.
- perform brilliantly or prominently in a particular endeavor or event.

Creatively Expressing the STARting Point:


Stars were always in a practical position to guide us when our horizons were limited or obscured, orienting us by remaining mostly fixed in their relative positions. 

Stars represent excellence(star athlete, player), potential, hope, magic, wishes, the best(5 stars), success, wealth(results), fame(celebrity/stardom), expression(artist,actors, performers), heaven/divinity (heavenly bodies, angels), wonder, guidance, light, clarity, creativity(the arts) and more..

How did Stars Begin? We don't see them before they shine.. only when they start to glow and spark into their full expression. A very similar process exists on earth, where we can only see them once a star has amassed a universe of people that orbit them and as they begin to glow and shine. We can all tell when someone is accumulating mass, soon to become massive... and explode like a star. Before then, they were likely nobody to most.

Bringing this back to my self for understanding. The point that stands out to me about a Star is this point of Ultimate Self-Expression and Creativity - literally BURSTING with BRILLIANCE. I have a universe around me that I can support as myself if I express myself to the utmost, if I unleash my potential.

For example, The Sun is a Star and it Gives Life - that is Inherent in it's Self-Expression. The word Star anagrams to Arts - because Creativity is IN-HEREnt in the Star Performance!

This is all cool stuff to me, but what does it matter? What can I do to make this practical?

My starting point, my why, my purpose is to be a star on earth, to give life, sharing real light, all with my self-expression. 

The process of a star forming takes time and MASS(IVE) INTER-ACTION.
A point of gravity, or coming together, organizes the scattered parts/pieces of itself.
Once it amasses size it heats up and after a certain temperature fusion begins.
The light we see doesn't even come out from the star once fusion has begun and it has amassed size, it takes time before the shine is even noticeable at the surface.
The light is produced from a bunch of tiny interactions within the star.

We can see this light production in ourselves as what we participate in privately and our small interactions with every person we meet. The massive action to be taken, to accumulate mass and momentum like an undeniable gravity, is in organizing ourselves and everyone we meet.

I feel like i'm missing something, still.
What am I missing?

Perhaps it is the preprogramming in all of this, that even looking at the stars... it was designed in separation... and looking at what comes up in the star.. I can see the sabotage in a starting point being out of reach, in high hopes, with magical/wishful thinking.. all the things that come up when looking at the word "STAR" are also found in a STARTING POINT. 

We all want to begin with this standard or expectation of greatness, voting on ourselves to outdo ourselves, to do something magnificent with our lives. The carrot on the stick; not realizing it was all designed out of reach or so that it will never be as we imagine.

Next blog will be Self-Forgiveness on these points.

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