Without a system = no effect: Day 14

 I have been scrambling to do my process late at night. After I get off work, home duties and plans we have made take priority. My mind is stacked against me when I get home. My problem, however, is not unique to this situation. I see it is time management as the creation of a system for me to live by, or the lack of this, that is causing my problem. This is a reoccurring issue. I have many important things to do in a day or a week. Things I would call priority, yet my actions don't reflect this evaluation. I don't get up in time. I don't go to bed in time. I feel swept away by external circumstances and i'm always trying to overcome the hand that is dealt for me. I really see the point about survival mode and self-interest overriding anything of substance with regards to time for my SELF, time for PROCESS, and time for BUILDING VOCABULARY.

With work and intimate relationships alone, building my self up and building anything other than what i've walked into as a servant is cornered into the little bit of "free" time I have. "Free time" that I just want to disappear in and escape from what I face every day. I remember a moment of clarity where I could see that I have this experience of not knowing when to do certain things that I confuse with /WHAT/ I should be doing. It has hung over my head for years where I didn't know what I was doing wrong and it is a pain that i've felt without identification since I can remember. I now understand that it is time management, because the cognitive dissonance I had with this confusion was that I know that I know enough. I have found the best resources in this lifetime and I have a knack for finding all my keys, all my answers, all my tools, all my specific points... It is only a matter of time for me with regards to that.. However, what wasn't coming through is the organization of all these points of application. Meaning, where in time do I place all these responsibilities.. all this knowledge.. all that i've been exposed to.

With everything I have that is to be tested, I have been so out of order that nothing would work. Time is the Key Here that I see to begin organizing myself, because space is organized through time and vice versa. I have the space and now I must pace it, meaning I must time it, and set that counting of it in order with events I preprogram as the events to follow. Just like the grid rolled up into a ball as a seed... to design the seed of my life, the plant I must plan, I must look at time and begin practicing a program for it. Time management has been one of my greatest weaknesses, indeed a complete absence in some regards, with me simply trusting the times I am given by my environment to follow.. only going with the flow of the system given to me. Never designing my own life. I will place this blog here as a starting point for working on this, because this blog will not be able to continue if I do not make it part of the plan.