I am walking the DIP Lite course and considering DIP Pro as the next natural step in the flow.
I want to share my experience of "renewing" myself in this active, focused, walking awareness of process.
Where to start?
I am in the self-commitment statement part of the course, where I spell out what realizations I have in relationship to a single sentence of self-forgiveness I wrote in the last part of the course, then move on to self commitment statements about correcting my self when faced with the point I forgive myself for.
What am I seeing here about my self in this section?
I am seeing within my writing about anything that I am exercising a great clarity and insight to my self. I am guiding my self healthily through points in my life and my mind with a structured and organized focus on my self and my ability.
What do I mean by this?
We'll do a before and after DIP Lite of this same experience.
When thinking about mistakes I make in the day, how does my self reflection go?
The day starts.. and at some point I skip a responsibility, miss an opportunity to fulfill my self, or fall flat on my face trying to do something important to me.
That sucks, what happens in those moments?
I go into my head and start assessing what just went down. I think about how to recover from the experience, maybe it isn't over yet, the experience can still be salvaged into a personal success! I look for ways to do something about it, but i'm guessing the whole time hoping I come up with a solution to my experience and situation. Time passes and I didn't resolve it, the moment is gone and there is nothing to do about it now.. It becomes something I will have to "try again some other time". My reflection on that moment continues into the next day, whatever happened wasn't just a situation in the world, now it is a mental scenario affecting me into a new day!
What happens here, when the time passes and it is now in my head?
I practice all I know how to resolve my mind's disturbance! Seeing perspectives, open my self to new understandings, look for any insight I have by reviewing the memory, thinking about other things to get my mind off it, going on some walk, there's plenty of things I can try. OR sometimes it goes away, there's nothing gained from it, I forget or ignore it, I let it change my experience of my self for ANY amount of time and do nothing about it, I accept it... the options for "dealing with it" are numerous.
I am going to make a statement about the way I deal with things inside the mind and I believe this is most likely true for you as well.
I pretend I know what I am doing most the time, I am guessing and running on hints.
I am not the one directing my self, my mind is - yet I have an idea of my self calling the shots.
My self assessment is not thorough and does not follow a set of rules.
The outcomes in my life are not guaranteed, but the potential for successful outcomes is unlikely because of the level of discipline in relationship to my self.
It is more luck, circumstances, and my programming growing up that's got me here.
I go about my internal world and external world haphazardly.
What is the difference with this process I am walking?
The day starts.. and at some point I skip a responsibility, miss an opportunity to fulfill my self, or fall flat on my face trying to do something important to me.
That sucks, what happens in those moments?
I go into my head and start assessing what just went down. I look for ways to do something about it and see that I have tools and a structured way of reflecting to help me see the way. I breathe while the time passes and I have an opportunity to sit down with my self. I write about the experience. I look at what I wrote then identify my experience of compromise, reaction, fear, ego, emotions and feelings, thinking, and where it started. Then I move onto self forgiveness statements specific to my writing to release and give my self back to my self. I then write what I realize about my self in relationship to the experience and follow up with commitments to change with realistic considerations of applying that change.
But what about when I am done with that?
I breathe. I don't have to think about it. I took a point through a structured, healthy, and thorough assessment (self-writing, identifying the problem in writing). I applied a tool directly related to releasing/letting go/deleting the nuisance of my mind (self forgiveness) = so there's no avoidance tricks to worry about performing correctly. And I communicated to my self, all in writing, what I SEE (self-realization) that was REALLY GOING ON ... and then how I PLANNED TO FACE IT AND CHANGE (self-commitment). And then I breathe it into life with me.
I talked it out with my self, walked it through my mind on paper, now all that is left is to remind myself of the changes I am ready to apply when I face the same situation/moment/experience in my world.
But this doesn't guarantee I will change, it supports my best efforts to change.The "moment of truth" is my physical application, if I live the change, embody it for real when the time comes. Breathing helps with this.
So - I hope my example was sufficient. The process walked in the DIP Lite is a process everyone walks, with or without awareness - I can see that now. Everyone is busy accumulating ways to resolve their minds and their lives, to change and be the best they can be, but there is really so much guessing going on. And in all that guessing, trial and error does work - but there's no real sense of knowing what the hell we are doing.. we cling to what we know works, or think works, and we don't always know why something works when it does either.
The difference I see here in how I apply myself, how this application differs from the previous, is in the structured reflecting on my self. Each tool like writing, self forgiveness, self realization, self commitment, is a reflection of who I am. Applying each of those tools to my self as my life in a "step-by-step" fashion.. especially in the way it is outlined.. seems to come from an understanding of what should naturally come before and after each other.. This process seems to be ordered the way anyone has successfully dealt with themselves by accidental guessing. This is the most direct way of working with my self I have encountered. The previous way I have lived and have a tendency to live is like pushing all the buttons on the control panel, grabbing for anything and everything I have in and near me.. just hoping it works. And given, I had method to my madness but this beats any mad methods of mine for resolving my issues.
Enjoy.
Thursday, October 27, 2016
Saturday, October 22, 2016
Starting Points of Words: Day 8
An examination of my self in question,
Why are my words here?
What reason did I place myself in writing?
Where are my words coming from?
In other words than what I placed visibly for myself and others to see and hear, what is the source of these words?
I was having a conversation with my partner the other day about an experience I find tricky.
It is when I am communicating to myself in thought, spoken or written word - I can become unaware of my self within my application of the words. I may be going on and on, about this and that, yet only one thing is communicated. And it doesn't end.
A specific example, I like to push myself to be /honest/ with myself. I like to find ways of exploring self /honestly/. This sometimes looks like a prodding disbelief in my initial answers. I'm saying to myself, 'Hey, that doesn't sound like everything! That's not satisfactory what you gave me. There's more to what you mean, I don't believe you!' - and then I give myself more answers, I go on pushing myself for /more honesty/, and more and more.... and more. I have a thought that somewhere inside myself /that my honesty will be enough/. I have a thought /that applying my words from a point of honesty is all, it is enough/. Yet, I can push myself forever to be more frank, plain, brutal, visible and simple in my honesty and /still get stuck at a point/.
It is with this experience that I see, I have to see words in all the other ways they can be applied. It is not just to communicate everything in me as it is, because words do more than just reveal. Words create. It is cool, for a moment, to reveal myself in words as the expression of my self honesty. It is however not enough to stay in this mode of 'getting things out', it is not enough to spell out an experience. Up to a certain point, dragging out the communication based on revelatory honesty only supports and continues the creation of the shit going on inside. Honesty has to become responsibility and change. I have to move from a narrative of seeing my creations as they are into the words of a creator reconsidering the direction of my universe.
With this point coming to surface I can see how limited my mobility in words has been in life because of the fact I could not see the starting point of why I am accepting and allowing the placing of my words before me the way I am. Are these words I am writing, speaking, and thinking only serving as a distraction from something else? A distraction from my self and something more I could be doing? There is a tyrannical limitation on words, where the narratives coming from 'me' are only stimulated into existence by a single point of some idea about my self. The one thing I am always communicating is my self, and it is quite easy to for me to see some of the limitations in my words that keep me busy in my mind.
What power do I give to certain points within myself as my mind?
Can I see the words that describe what I am allowing to control my word choices and how I express myself in words?
What really deserves the creative, directive principle of my words?
How often do I accept something less worthy to dictate my diction?
Saturday, October 15, 2016
Initiative.. I give a shit in this shit I live: Day 7
Initiative:
the ability to assess and initiate things independently.
the power or opportunity to act or take charge before others do.
an act or strategy intended to resolve a difficulty or improve a situation; a fresh approach to something.
I began unintentionally looking at words that "serve the purpose" of words like "exploration", "discovery", and "direction". Initiative stands out to me in my process because in living initiative, I begin before anyone else sees what I do or looking for permission or confirmation.. without initiative I cannot fathom doing what I see within me.. and within the word "initiative" I also see a "line" coming DIRECT from myself.
In word play, I see "in this shit, I live" and "I give a shit". In this shit, i'm the one giving direction to myself.
And the shit I live in I give a shit about.
Referencing my dictionary definitions above, I see a line of self taking responsibility where no one else sees or knows someone else can. No one knows what each one can bring to the table. And initiative can resolve a messy/shitty situation by each one individually bringing themselves (fresh) to the situation.All this shit gets messy and the "fresh approach" for each one is to stop this shit, clear the way by sorting shit out by themselves, and helping with the clean up. An initiative is always a fresh approach - it's coming from me, the being before the beginning who is begetting the action. Giving a shit about the shit I live in, i'll act on what I see about the shit within me that can be done. Nothing would ever be done if no one had initiative. If everyone lives with self-initiative, we wouldn't be in this shit initially.
Also, considering the dimension of the word where it is to act/stand/become before anyone else - I had a look at if this can then be taught by someone else... if it is SELF initiative.. can anyone else really show self what it means to live self initiative? Who and what is initiating us in our lives? If we look inside, what's communicating our initiative? Mind-initiative is not self-initiative.. so can we really say that even if we act on our thinking, that we have initiative?
Looking at thoughts, too - that is really a big point of initiative where absolutely no one else can act on for us. What is going on within our minds requires self initiative from everyone - because in that shit we are clearly, absolutely the only ones who can sort it out in life.
the ability to assess and initiate things independently.
the power or opportunity to act or take charge before others do.
an act or strategy intended to resolve a difficulty or improve a situation; a fresh approach to something.
I began unintentionally looking at words that "serve the purpose" of words like "exploration", "discovery", and "direction". Initiative stands out to me in my process because in living initiative, I begin before anyone else sees what I do or looking for permission or confirmation.. without initiative I cannot fathom doing what I see within me.. and within the word "initiative" I also see a "line" coming DIRECT from myself.
In word play, I see "in this shit, I live" and "I give a shit". In this shit, i'm the one giving direction to myself.
And the shit I live in I give a shit about.
Referencing my dictionary definitions above, I see a line of self taking responsibility where no one else sees or knows someone else can. No one knows what each one can bring to the table. And initiative can resolve a messy/shitty situation by each one individually bringing themselves (fresh) to the situation.All this shit gets messy and the "fresh approach" for each one is to stop this shit, clear the way by sorting shit out by themselves, and helping with the clean up. An initiative is always a fresh approach - it's coming from me, the being before the beginning who is begetting the action. Giving a shit about the shit I live in, i'll act on what I see about the shit within me that can be done. Nothing would ever be done if no one had initiative. If everyone lives with self-initiative, we wouldn't be in this shit initially.
Also, considering the dimension of the word where it is to act/stand/become before anyone else - I had a look at if this can then be taught by someone else... if it is SELF initiative.. can anyone else really show self what it means to live self initiative? Who and what is initiating us in our lives? If we look inside, what's communicating our initiative? Mind-initiative is not self-initiative.. so can we really say that even if we act on our thinking, that we have initiative?
Looking at thoughts, too - that is really a big point of initiative where absolutely no one else can act on for us. What is going on within our minds requires self initiative from everyone - because in that shit we are clearly, absolutely the only ones who can sort it out in life.
Sunday, October 9, 2016
The Scale of This One Opportunity Called Life: DAY 6
Something inside me that disrupts my complacency in the brainwashing of my own mind is:
The finite nature of this opportunity that is my life and the scale in which the development of my potential within this opportunity can be seen. See, even as I write this, the opportunity is renewed and coming to a close all at the same time. I have a single life, a life who's maximum potential is already "one" within itself. This opportunity of life is the only one I have, the ultimate one, and I am the final one of "me".
Incarnate, who will ever hold my point in/as spacetime ever again?
Any speculation beyond who I am here, about who I am in the "hereafter", is rubbish irrelevant nonsense misleading many lives to participate in meaningless destruction of life on earth here as it exists right now - nothing is "hereafter" .. everything is /here/.
That being said, this "one life" point has spiritual, motivational, and unity-type connotations. Memes float around with just this text and an image, "one life" ... and some people say "one life" like it carries deep positivity and love. I see this quite differently and also see something more to be considered about the meaning of this one life that each have.
In this one life - my finite expression of life walks through finite circumstances with finite resources on my journey here on a finite planet called "earth" with all the finite "earthlings". Within this journey, everything is spread out quite well throughout spacetime - which is numbered.. finite. Even our concept of infinity still references finite - right there in the fucking name!
in-FINITE.. in-FINITY..
Okay, so I beat that dead horse "one life" thing enough.
WHAT IS THE OPPORTUNITY WITHIN MY ONE LIFE?
The development of my greatest potential expression and the inheritances that come with the life that is given freely to all.
The scale in which I see this opportunity are in the size of things designed to take it away.
The proportion I see my opportunity within life is related to the way things are that do not support the full potential of any life in existence.
The reality of how little would be left for me to get to really, actually know and exercise my real self if I did not have what and who I have in my life
I have an example for you, we will start with a week.
I am excluding the minority rich in my example.
You have a week, 7 days, 168 hours.
You work about a quarter of these hours or more, most likely.
You work 5 out of 7 of those days, most likely.
You sleep 4-8 hours a night? More, if you really like sleep.
You have 100 hours left at 4 hours a night, to 58 hours left if you do 10 hours a night.
These hours are not continuous, they are discontinuous with each other.
Remember, only 2 of these 7 days are not controlled by work.On a work day, your work schedule can split those remaining "free" hours in half, too.
How many hours, with all this remaining time left, is spent on errands?
How much on driving?
How much time is spent taking care of other things?
How much time is spent on things like school?
How much time is spent on work AFTER work?
How often is the time used to simply de-stress from everything?
How often are weekends all about "fun"?
How often do we mis-use some of this time on shit we know doesn't matter?
How many hours are consumed distracting ourselves?
How many hours are with others?
How much is spent getting ready and looking good?
When is the specific time for self to be really, totally focused on freeing self and getting to know self?
Everything is included in these schedules, the plans, the timeline, except for a dedicated focus on self.
A real sit down, with detailed attention on self.
Everything except for the honest facing of self has the spotlight in our world.
The only interest in one's self that enters the time commitments and deadlines is related to keeping self in the same cycle - maintaining the status quo - never realizing who self is in any detail.
This is where I see the scale of my opportunity - in all that time I don't really have and all those hours I do that I can use to support me for real. Any time I can commit to this opportunity to develop myself to the fullest has to be committed, because these time commitments as they exist right now do not in themselves have a designed interest in fulfilling my purpose. If there isn't time, I will make it. And any time that is currently "open" for me - must be filled with a stand for myself.
The finite nature of this opportunity that is my life and the scale in which the development of my potential within this opportunity can be seen. See, even as I write this, the opportunity is renewed and coming to a close all at the same time. I have a single life, a life who's maximum potential is already "one" within itself. This opportunity of life is the only one I have, the ultimate one, and I am the final one of "me".
Incarnate, who will ever hold my point in/as spacetime ever again?
Any speculation beyond who I am here, about who I am in the "hereafter", is rubbish irrelevant nonsense misleading many lives to participate in meaningless destruction of life on earth here as it exists right now - nothing is "hereafter" .. everything is /here/.
That being said, this "one life" point has spiritual, motivational, and unity-type connotations. Memes float around with just this text and an image, "one life" ... and some people say "one life" like it carries deep positivity and love. I see this quite differently and also see something more to be considered about the meaning of this one life that each have.
In this one life - my finite expression of life walks through finite circumstances with finite resources on my journey here on a finite planet called "earth" with all the finite "earthlings". Within this journey, everything is spread out quite well throughout spacetime - which is numbered.. finite. Even our concept of infinity still references finite - right there in the fucking name!
in-FINITE.. in-FINITY..
Okay, so I beat that dead horse "one life" thing enough.
WHAT IS THE OPPORTUNITY WITHIN MY ONE LIFE?
The development of my greatest potential expression and the inheritances that come with the life that is given freely to all.
The scale in which I see this opportunity are in the size of things designed to take it away.
The proportion I see my opportunity within life is related to the way things are that do not support the full potential of any life in existence.
The reality of how little would be left for me to get to really, actually know and exercise my real self if I did not have what and who I have in my life
I have an example for you, we will start with a week.
I am excluding the minority rich in my example.
You have a week, 7 days, 168 hours.
You work about a quarter of these hours or more, most likely.
You work 5 out of 7 of those days, most likely.
You sleep 4-8 hours a night? More, if you really like sleep.
You have 100 hours left at 4 hours a night, to 58 hours left if you do 10 hours a night.
These hours are not continuous, they are discontinuous with each other.
Remember, only 2 of these 7 days are not controlled by work.On a work day, your work schedule can split those remaining "free" hours in half, too.
How many hours, with all this remaining time left, is spent on errands?
How much on driving?
How much time is spent taking care of other things?
How much time is spent on things like school?
How much time is spent on work AFTER work?
How often is the time used to simply de-stress from everything?
How often are weekends all about "fun"?
How often do we mis-use some of this time on shit we know doesn't matter?
How many hours are consumed distracting ourselves?
How many hours are with others?
How much is spent getting ready and looking good?
When is the specific time for self to be really, totally focused on freeing self and getting to know self?
Everything is included in these schedules, the plans, the timeline, except for a dedicated focus on self.
A real sit down, with detailed attention on self.
Everything except for the honest facing of self has the spotlight in our world.
The only interest in one's self that enters the time commitments and deadlines is related to keeping self in the same cycle - maintaining the status quo - never realizing who self is in any detail.
This is where I see the scale of my opportunity - in all that time I don't really have and all those hours I do that I can use to support me for real. Any time I can commit to this opportunity to develop myself to the fullest has to be committed, because these time commitments as they exist right now do not in themselves have a designed interest in fulfilling my purpose. If there isn't time, I will make it. And any time that is currently "open" for me - must be filled with a stand for myself.
Saturday, September 24, 2016
No Rest Within: Day 5
In listening to one of the interviews I received through the portal, I had a point brought up for me I would like to write on and apply a bit of self forgiveness on.
It was how I have lived a sort of questing for myself within 'who am I supposed to be? where am I supposed to be? what I am supposed to do?' - and how within those questions have lived my life out in extremes. I have created a restlessness in myself through this process where I feel bursting, uncomfortably, with this inner energy that I cannot seem to cope with or deal with except to - as I see it - explode into behaviors and actions that are quite unnecessary. In living this way I have compromised my health in many aspects. I cannot honestly enjoy my life or many things fully for the fact I am often feeling like I am not where I am supposed to be, doing what I am supposed to be doing, or being who I am supposed to be. Calming myself down internally becomes a task because I feel lost in the restlessness of that energy.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become lost in a restless, energetic state of mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to keep pushing myself mentally and physically to do all sorts of things to expel or release this energy within me that keeps me ticking inside.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to explode into unnecessary behaviors and actions that compromise my physical, mental, and emotional health.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to build up and create this internal veil of energy as a restless state of mind because I do not yet know or see what it is I am supposed to do, who I am supposed to be, or where I am supposed to be.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to approach these questions from a feverish standpoint of 'I must know, I must have this sorted out, I must be doing something better than this.'
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to cause myself as my mind to 'cope' with this extreme energetic state inside me by exploding violently as a reaction.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel 'lost' in life meanwhile everything is always here within me for me to figure out.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think and believe this energy and restlessness inside me actually is me, following it to the extremes and obeying it in an enraged, enthralled obsession with figuring it all out for myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ignore and neglect myself as my breath - which always help with bringing me down here, stabilizing me and calming me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to beat myself within this energy and wreak havoc on my mind and body.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be possessed and obsessed within my mind, seeking some answer in this painful state of mind that drives me mad.
Wednesday, September 21, 2016
Returning to Self-Forgiveness and Desteni: Day 4
Recapping these past two weeks:
It has been a challenge to write at all with everything going on and I enjoy writing because it is how I "keep tabs" on my self.. so not only was it challenging but I feel like I went through this stretch of time without a working leg. I practically rely on writing for an aspect of my self to be present in life. Without writing, I just know I am missing some opportunities within myself to cover some amazing ground.. and I am not okay with that.
Onto the point of my topic:
I started walking the Desteni I Process Lite shortly before I started this Journey to Life blog and I am coming up on two points in general that I have major resistances to... which are Self-Fogiveness and really, actually joining Desteni with more investment and commitment. I am on the portion of the DIP Lite that is finally addressing Self-Forgiveness. I have been awaiting this point, as it fucks with me more than looking at particular definitions of Self-Honesty. It isn't exactly Self-Forgiveness as a whole that I find difficulty within, but the specific understandings of it that I can not yet see for myself except through applying it and coming to know it as my self. When I have applied myself previously within Self-Forgiveness.. the hardest point was VOICING IT.. LOUDLY... and worst of all - near someone else that might be hear me or be aware of me doing it. I become self conscious and worried someone might be interested in what i'm doing or think of it as weird. I don't even necessarily know how to tell them what i'm doing because i'm basically just learning to do it myself! I do not explain things to people when I am unfamiliar and insecure in what I see or know. So, I find myself wanting to really make sure I understand what the fuck i'm doing, because I know I WILL REACT TO BEING CHALLENGED. I would rather not address it until I am secure and confident in what I am applying to be able to better share it with others - but how else am I supposed to practice self forgiveness out loud or without fear if I don't do it in the presence of anyone? So - big point! Lots of fear. I am eager to see what I can learn this time around in applying self forgiveness within writing, I just simply refuse to apply it in spoken word unless I am completely alone because whispering it and hiding it is pathetic to me. My goal is to be able to do it and be like "fuck you I don't care if this is weird" to anyone who may be around me. When my first day on Self-Forgiveness starts on the DIP Lite course.. I will also begin to apply Self-Forgiveness statements here on the Journey to Life blog.
The other point of returning to and actually joining Desteni comes up within this time where I find myself facing Self-Forgiveness.. because a forum on gmail was opened up for anyone who has had resistances to Desteni. I have taken the time to address all the shit inside me there and will continue to do so until I have outed everything in me that I accepted and allowed to prevent my active participation within Desteni. If this is the first you are aware of such group, see Gian for details.
I am grateful for this particular forum because it is the opportunity to get out all of my crazy, fearful bullshit that I have accepted and allowed to create so much misery and dissonance in me - unnecessarily holding back my process.
What other group does what Desteni does?
If you actually search, you will see that there is quite possibly no other place on this earth like it.
It has been a challenge to write at all with everything going on and I enjoy writing because it is how I "keep tabs" on my self.. so not only was it challenging but I feel like I went through this stretch of time without a working leg. I practically rely on writing for an aspect of my self to be present in life. Without writing, I just know I am missing some opportunities within myself to cover some amazing ground.. and I am not okay with that.
Onto the point of my topic:
I started walking the Desteni I Process Lite shortly before I started this Journey to Life blog and I am coming up on two points in general that I have major resistances to... which are Self-Fogiveness and really, actually joining Desteni with more investment and commitment. I am on the portion of the DIP Lite that is finally addressing Self-Forgiveness. I have been awaiting this point, as it fucks with me more than looking at particular definitions of Self-Honesty. It isn't exactly Self-Forgiveness as a whole that I find difficulty within, but the specific understandings of it that I can not yet see for myself except through applying it and coming to know it as my self. When I have applied myself previously within Self-Forgiveness.. the hardest point was VOICING IT.. LOUDLY... and worst of all - near someone else that might be hear me or be aware of me doing it. I become self conscious and worried someone might be interested in what i'm doing or think of it as weird. I don't even necessarily know how to tell them what i'm doing because i'm basically just learning to do it myself! I do not explain things to people when I am unfamiliar and insecure in what I see or know. So, I find myself wanting to really make sure I understand what the fuck i'm doing, because I know I WILL REACT TO BEING CHALLENGED. I would rather not address it until I am secure and confident in what I am applying to be able to better share it with others - but how else am I supposed to practice self forgiveness out loud or without fear if I don't do it in the presence of anyone? So - big point! Lots of fear. I am eager to see what I can learn this time around in applying self forgiveness within writing, I just simply refuse to apply it in spoken word unless I am completely alone because whispering it and hiding it is pathetic to me. My goal is to be able to do it and be like "fuck you I don't care if this is weird" to anyone who may be around me. When my first day on Self-Forgiveness starts on the DIP Lite course.. I will also begin to apply Self-Forgiveness statements here on the Journey to Life blog.
The other point of returning to and actually joining Desteni comes up within this time where I find myself facing Self-Forgiveness.. because a forum on gmail was opened up for anyone who has had resistances to Desteni. I have taken the time to address all the shit inside me there and will continue to do so until I have outed everything in me that I accepted and allowed to prevent my active participation within Desteni. If this is the first you are aware of such group, see Gian for details.
I am grateful for this particular forum because it is the opportunity to get out all of my crazy, fearful bullshit that I have accepted and allowed to create so much misery and dissonance in me - unnecessarily holding back my process.
What other group does what Desteni does?
If you actually search, you will see that there is quite possibly no other place on this earth like it.
Monday, September 5, 2016
Discovering Destiny through Desteni: Day 3
NOTE: I have prioritized other writing over this, so no commitment to daily writing here until i'm practically at that point within what else I am busy with.
...."My gift was THE FEAR and ALL THE INSANITY within me - that is within us.
And so I ran from myself for all sorts of relief,
where will this coward go now that he can see?"
I, the coward, went everywhere. I would call myself "open-minded" at the time, but it was a different open-mindedness. Nothing in me was okay and relief was seemingly nowhere within me as I existed at that time, so I was open to anything that might help me understand my mind and what it was showing me. I wanted to find the sanity and stability within me instead of the fears that sent me flying into space every day. I wanted to understand what I was experiencing and what was reality, because neither made any sense to me and all my hard, honest inquiry into what was going on seemed to collapse the illusions of the apparent knowledge in me and this world.. I would then be faced with the reality of how I actually know nothing at all and in that same space is purely me as fear. I know nothing but the fear, so who is speaking without fear? It seemed even my ability to reason was like an intelligent fear making beliefs out of itself - the better I could convince my self, the less I believed I was afraid and that I did not know anything.
I would like to address a definition and understanding of the word Destiny now for a simple point.
Destiny: the hidden power believed to control what will happen in the future
So, it is FEAR. Fear is the "hidden power" controlling what will happen to me in the future. Anything "hidden" or in "hiding" is fear and fear is what cowardice is all about. Fear is a coward's limitation with which the coward will not push beyond and even fight for. When my cowardice was exposed, I was mentally stripped and all images of my self in a "positive" light had been obliterated. I took off in search of relief. The future for this "new me" was revealed as uncertainty, now only a question remained of "me". All I had was a questioning of myself to become familiar with. In the world, people say question everything but then how often are our questions about ourselves? Well, I sort of became a question at this point. And In living life like a question, I found myself experimenting and practicing many things that present themselves in the world..
Lots of looking at questions, "what happens if I?" and "what's this?" and "what if?" and "how do I?" ..
So, one week in particular.. I was into "astral projecting", and I was on youtube when I found a video about astral projecting that blew my damn mind. The video had a small number of views and everything about it, top to bottom, was different than everything I had researched online. I am investigative enough about my interests that I push for a sufficient amount of information and perspectives... Yet this short haired girl that seemed to be passed out in the beginning of the video was suddenly talking so precisely about astral projecting and asserting things I can't imagine knowing or how someone else might know. And I thought I had found the best information I could find on the internet about before this video! The perspective given in the video completely debunked and reoriented my interest with some common sense and weird bits of something I didn't quite understand. I remember sitting back feeling like I didn't know what I had just watched, really.
Well, what I had stumbled upon is called the "The Interdimensional Portal" and that girl I saw in the video was Susan/Sunette. The video had me so intrigued by the uniqueness that I followed the channel to more videos and consequently found Desteni.org ..
What I consider my greatest finding and "secret"! Haha
So, what the hell is Desteni?! I will have to link to their FAQ and want to quote one line from their wiki page to give a definition, because it is too much for me to explain and I am only here for what I am going to share about MY SELF and how this discovery in my life relates to what I see as my destiny.
HERE:
http://desteni.org/DesteniFAQ.pdf
And this is from the wiki: "a social network focused on bringing practical change to the world through its members becoming effective, considerate and responsible human beings. Members focus on investigating the world we live in, how it functions and operates. What it is that drives human beings each day. What are the motivations, reasons and starting points for how we exist within this world. Through this research practical solutions are created, shared and applied by anyone who is interested."
The Destiny of myself as a Coward is to face myself and change to become a responsible human being that cares for my own life as well as the rest of life - because a coward does not do battle for life, and runs in the face of duty - a coward ultimately faces themselves at death or in battle for life again. Because I am always with myself, how can I ever really escape? And this is the greater destiny within myself as a Coward, because as long as I allow Fear to be in control of my Destiny, I will always be a Coward. The world is full of Cowards before Life, because the Challenges of Life are much greater than the Challenges of Fear - to overcome Fear for a better Life for myself and for everyone else = that is a Destiny I would like to see for my self and everyone else.
What is to be discovered within Desteni was easily enough to challenge me to begin my process to change my SELF and my Destiny. To start planning for the inevitable future we all face - one that is currently completely controlled by fear.
Adding another definition to Destiny to look at before signing off of this blog post:
Destiny: the events that will necessarily happen to a particular person or thing in the future.
All of us have a similar Destiny on this planet as we are all one... we all have points we must face in the future.. and things we must go through to become.. so what is that future and who are we to become? Without any direction from ourselves, we will continue going the way we are going - and that is clearly an undesirable and scary thing. Everything we are is just fear-based, so if all of us as humanity is in fear - our Destiny is as Cowards and this Life on Earth will END for us because Cowards do not serve/preserve Life.. They do not stand up and do battle for Life.
What if there is something else possible, though?
What if we took on our challenge of living in fear and became brave enough to save this one life for all and be champions in its favor?
These are the types of questions I am looking to answer for my self.
This is all I want to come out with for now on me living as a coward in relationship to destiny and Desteni.
...."My gift was THE FEAR and ALL THE INSANITY within me - that is within us.
And so I ran from myself for all sorts of relief,
where will this coward go now that he can see?"
I, the coward, went everywhere. I would call myself "open-minded" at the time, but it was a different open-mindedness. Nothing in me was okay and relief was seemingly nowhere within me as I existed at that time, so I was open to anything that might help me understand my mind and what it was showing me. I wanted to find the sanity and stability within me instead of the fears that sent me flying into space every day. I wanted to understand what I was experiencing and what was reality, because neither made any sense to me and all my hard, honest inquiry into what was going on seemed to collapse the illusions of the apparent knowledge in me and this world.. I would then be faced with the reality of how I actually know nothing at all and in that same space is purely me as fear. I know nothing but the fear, so who is speaking without fear? It seemed even my ability to reason was like an intelligent fear making beliefs out of itself - the better I could convince my self, the less I believed I was afraid and that I did not know anything.
I would like to address a definition and understanding of the word Destiny now for a simple point.
Destiny: the hidden power believed to control what will happen in the future
So, it is FEAR. Fear is the "hidden power" controlling what will happen to me in the future. Anything "hidden" or in "hiding" is fear and fear is what cowardice is all about. Fear is a coward's limitation with which the coward will not push beyond and even fight for. When my cowardice was exposed, I was mentally stripped and all images of my self in a "positive" light had been obliterated. I took off in search of relief. The future for this "new me" was revealed as uncertainty, now only a question remained of "me". All I had was a questioning of myself to become familiar with. In the world, people say question everything but then how often are our questions about ourselves? Well, I sort of became a question at this point. And In living life like a question, I found myself experimenting and practicing many things that present themselves in the world..
Lots of looking at questions, "what happens if I?" and "what's this?" and "what if?" and "how do I?" ..
So, one week in particular.. I was into "astral projecting", and I was on youtube when I found a video about astral projecting that blew my damn mind. The video had a small number of views and everything about it, top to bottom, was different than everything I had researched online. I am investigative enough about my interests that I push for a sufficient amount of information and perspectives... Yet this short haired girl that seemed to be passed out in the beginning of the video was suddenly talking so precisely about astral projecting and asserting things I can't imagine knowing or how someone else might know. And I thought I had found the best information I could find on the internet about before this video! The perspective given in the video completely debunked and reoriented my interest with some common sense and weird bits of something I didn't quite understand. I remember sitting back feeling like I didn't know what I had just watched, really.
Well, what I had stumbled upon is called the "The Interdimensional Portal" and that girl I saw in the video was Susan/Sunette. The video had me so intrigued by the uniqueness that I followed the channel to more videos and consequently found Desteni.org ..
What I consider my greatest finding and "secret"! Haha
So, what the hell is Desteni?! I will have to link to their FAQ and want to quote one line from their wiki page to give a definition, because it is too much for me to explain and I am only here for what I am going to share about MY SELF and how this discovery in my life relates to what I see as my destiny.
HERE:
http://desteni.org/DesteniFAQ.pdf
And this is from the wiki: "a social network focused on bringing practical change to the world through its members becoming effective, considerate and responsible human beings. Members focus on investigating the world we live in, how it functions and operates. What it is that drives human beings each day. What are the motivations, reasons and starting points for how we exist within this world. Through this research practical solutions are created, shared and applied by anyone who is interested."
The Destiny of myself as a Coward is to face myself and change to become a responsible human being that cares for my own life as well as the rest of life - because a coward does not do battle for life, and runs in the face of duty - a coward ultimately faces themselves at death or in battle for life again. Because I am always with myself, how can I ever really escape? And this is the greater destiny within myself as a Coward, because as long as I allow Fear to be in control of my Destiny, I will always be a Coward. The world is full of Cowards before Life, because the Challenges of Life are much greater than the Challenges of Fear - to overcome Fear for a better Life for myself and for everyone else = that is a Destiny I would like to see for my self and everyone else.
What is to be discovered within Desteni was easily enough to challenge me to begin my process to change my SELF and my Destiny. To start planning for the inevitable future we all face - one that is currently completely controlled by fear.
Adding another definition to Destiny to look at before signing off of this blog post:
Destiny: the events that will necessarily happen to a particular person or thing in the future.
All of us have a similar Destiny on this planet as we are all one... we all have points we must face in the future.. and things we must go through to become.. so what is that future and who are we to become? Without any direction from ourselves, we will continue going the way we are going - and that is clearly an undesirable and scary thing. Everything we are is just fear-based, so if all of us as humanity is in fear - our Destiny is as Cowards and this Life on Earth will END for us because Cowards do not serve/preserve Life.. They do not stand up and do battle for Life.
What if there is something else possible, though?
What if we took on our challenge of living in fear and became brave enough to save this one life for all and be champions in its favor?
These are the types of questions I am looking to answer for my self.
This is all I want to come out with for now on me living as a coward in relationship to destiny and Desteni.
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