Application Adjustment, The Star: Day 8

 After lingering dissatisfaction with my journey through The Stars..
I have revisited some EQAFE material that helped refocus me.
Responsibility within Words - 19-25 minute mark specifically
Purifying Words
The Nature of Words

What I realize is going on within exploring this word is the network/constellation of words that opens up and begins to direct me in this process. I am accessing all these layers within myself on purpose to take inventory of what exists within the word. My dissatisfaction is with the irrelevance of it all because of the separation from self and the distraction embedded in the self-interest/desire of being/becoming a Star... experiencing myself as a Star. The attention. The fame. The above-most/all special individual. The money. The energy as the feelings/emotions. The performance.

The dominating factor of this pointy light that sits at the top of mind is Celebrity Status and the Heavenly Wonder. The imagery/imagination, what I believe the 'Life of a Star' to be-like. It is captivating and enticing as it brings me up high, only to disappoint me when I look at what is going on within this experience because it makes no difference because of what I have accepted myself as separated-from.

Even in writing that just now, I could see how I almost wrote out a statement of blame instead of responsibility. The whole, "fuck the stars" thing.. similar, if not exactly the same, as the grudge towards Celebrity Stardom. This point in me and others where i'd like to see them fall because what they're living is so detached or fake from the position many of us are standing in. Not taking into consideration what exists in/as the Stars Above and Below that makes-them-so, which in the same breath dismisses what-could-be, for-me.

I see this programmed experience of feeling abandoned by the Stars/Beings-Above and in that a Self-Abandonment.. as I face a reflection of the ways I let go of my potential to be/become a Shining Example of/in Life. 

Bringing this back to self...
Applying what's shared in these audios..
ONE point...
Placed in the center of my being..
On the center of my chest..
Considering the point to forgive - the STAR-ting point i'm defining as the Star.
This word and what i've explored/shared is reflecting who I am.
I place myself as this word i've lived within/as myself..
To test/cross reference my body on the point.

_______

I wrote "star" and said it.. then..
... checking my body.. breathing deep, holding my breath, looking up and down.. expecting more pain or tension.. expecting to feel more..
... slight feeling of pain in my chest/sternum.. questioning if it's related.. feeling burnt/tired from coffee today..

First point that came to mind before checking in with my body is from the Nature of Words audio;
"main point of separation is we personalize words to serve our ego, our interest as our mind..."

- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be different than everyone else in living the word Star, becoming special in a more-special kind of way where I stand out in a way no one else is. At the same time, isn't this the point of the process within walking out the word Star? To discover the incomparable self-expression within/without?
The inequality would be that somehow this is separate from others and in this I can see the idea to challenge is that we somehow cannot be equal and one in being absolutely individual. In one of the Star interviews it was mentioned that they'd like for us to discover this uniqueness about ourselves. There is an interpretation in here somewhere that requires perspective as it's disallowing what seems to be a contradiction.

- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a make-belief identity, a super-hero in my imagination, to define my potential - the who/what I could-be if I allowed it... this is the 'personalization' serving my ego.. as the pursuit of becoming a Star has this relationship with 'those-who-are-not' ... the SUPER hero is SUPERIOR.. but what is life like if everyone is equal and one in their heroic superior expression?

- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abandon my perceived potential once I have realized this fantasy of the mind separated from reality where I imagined myself as someone/something that could never be in reality - cause even the Stars we perceive to be living that life are not in reality what we have created in our minds; they are benefitting from that directly as we give them the appearance/impression in our acceptance/allowance.

- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire the benefit of being/becoming a Star in the minds of others where I am able to feed off the attention they give me for playing-to this character of the mind.. performing with my body, my voice, my expression, to give the impression that I am someone/something more-than-life.. more-than-them..

- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assess all of this from a point of morality where i'm judging myself and anyone who is a Star-Celebrity or intent on becoming a Star as a 'bad-guy' in working with what is here as how we are all programmed to benefit themselves in this life and position themselves for influence, money, power, control, or survival when.... practically speaking... that is the process we must walk if we want to make a difference in this world because even if it is not "real" in reality... it is the reality we have accepted and allowed to dictate us as we created ourselves subservient to it... so what am I saying in my previous self-forgiveness statement? That a Star is evil in it's intent and I am not? That those of us who accept and allow Stars as they exist, those of us that PAY attention to them, are not responsible for this? We placed ourselves in relationship to them as they did to us through what we accepted and allowed, no? 

The point is to live the word Star that I may express/have THE BEST... in the process, enabling a way for all/others because of what I have access to... not to denigrate what exists currently as Stars and further remove from my life what I actually want, further remove my potential for fear of being another person who 'made it in the system' only to be demonized.

Morality is not what is Best for All.

Self-Realization is.

That being said:
What is my personalization of this word that serves my ego, my interests? 

There is something more to be understood here because this word is unique in how much of it specifically stimulates self-interest. That was something I noticed quickly. There is also the interview Existence in a Word that explicitly details we must entice the mind/ego in our writing to support another.. to show them the benefit in taking this on for themselves.

There is no way we could be expected to walk these processes without benefit to ourselves otherwise no one will do it. If the personalization of a word to serve our ego is the main point of separation then it must be to realize the objective living of the word that is equal for everyone and not just ourselves. This must mean there is a detail in accepted definition of a word that is detached from reality where it does not actually serve us. So - just like the super-hero ideation.. but the reality is it serves us in life and physically if we correct the understanding.

A correction in the living of Star could then be that I do not need to become someone/something I am not but rather express a potential already within me to it's mature form. To flesh out the benefit of my being, my presence, and my brilliance. The super-hero ideation that only serves my ego is for instance that I would be a God amongst my slaves. That I would have the world in my hands with a bunch of followers giving me everything. It's the context that's false, the relationships I would seek to create in living what I believe to be a "Star". The ideation to correct is my projections of those who currently have Stardom, as i've separated them from myself and believe them to be living a life I cannot - that few can - with a value of life more-than others. 

Most of this I have touched on in some way already. I'm simply focusing my articulation and looking to specify this more.

Aha - a note to continue on in the next one:
I had a memory surface about my resistance to being myself because of how I would then be compared to others or have them compared to me... where I learned to then "dim my light" or lower my expression so as to not trigger that comparison because it made me feel bad.
I can see this relationship affecting my investigation into the Star because I want to keep "Shutting down the Star" because I don't want to face this conflict.. I don't want to have to stand out and take responsibility for what is reflected back to me when i'm actually shining for others to see.
It's easier to fit in and hide.