Online Presence / Internet Participant: Day 10

 Inspired by these interviews and a realization I had about my relationship with the internet and social media:

Living in a Virtual World

When Virtual Self does not Match the Real Self

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I have to be fake online in order to gain a following and get views, likes, comments, reacts, and shares on my posts/videos/lives/pictures/etc.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my success online by/through gaining a massive following, instead of by/through how many people are actually changing their lives through what I post/share/create/express.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my real life fall apart while my online presence and life is seemingly pristine, perfect, and happy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear sharing who I really am and what I am really going through online because of who is out there that might spite me with the vulnerability of sharing my real self online.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship with being online and creating a social media presence that is actually abusive to me and to others who find my page because of the participation in self-suppression, the projection of a fake reality that I put out there, and the stimulation of conflict within them where they compare themselves against me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself by the amount of attention I receive online.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself by the amount of followers I have online within my different accounts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a lurker online where I am essentially a nobody, I am invisible, and all I do is view/read/observe/watch things and people online.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as inferior to social media celebrities/influencers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having no followers online.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear no one liking, sharing, or commenting on any of my content.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to obsess over getting attention online, with how many likes, views, followers, shares, comments, video responses/etc I am getting from others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe I have nothing worth sharing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in simply making other people famous because they want our attention and were good at getting it, yet they have no message of what is best for all and offer no support in terms of real change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear looking at my experience online, specifically within social media which is like a game... because certain people are winning with their online celebrity status and others are losing wherein we simply follow them, consume their content, and our pages are made up of these pages that have amassed a certain level of influence online.. and if you are choosing to produce content, it is like competing for the most likes/views/comments/engagement/reactions with the content so you can grow your page, expand your influence, and have a better time on your social media.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear cancel culture online and getting cancelled online for something I wrote or said.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to censor myself because I am afraid of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to submit to this experience of myself on social media where I am lost in a sea of information. lost in a sea of entertainment media, and looking for my place within this where I can get some attention, some engagement, some real movement from.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from social media and my general online experience, to project and live a different self on here, as if I have a second life - instead of standing one and equal to what I see here on/as/in the internet/social media and supporting myself with/as all of it as I am equal and one to it and I have tools to process what I am going through within it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within my social media and internet experience to what I have experienced thus far and to the judgments I have of it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as an internet lurker, a social media lurker, where all I do is view things and look at them - rarely sharing, liking, commenting, engaging, and directing what is here as myself... rarely putting who I am into what I am seeing and setting the example of the world I want to live in.. simply judging the world I have stepped into.. and the glimpses of examples I am given/receiving.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within/on the internet/social media from a point of judgment/spite/blame/separation/reaction where the primary thing that happens when I come on here is I go into negative experiences about myself and about others.. as I view pictures and words from others... looking for what I like, looking on my FEED for what I will FEED off of today... sometimes and often it is stuff I judge negatively, other times it is stuff that is sort of interesting, and sometimes it is stuff I really enjoy - but what I notice I do the most on social media is I am hater and a lurker.. I am making horrible judgments about others that I see online for how they look, sound, what they share.. what they post... I am a silent judge and jury.. a silent hater lurking to pass judgment and move on, spiting what it is that is in my feed and that I will feed off of.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lurk, instead of actively participating online and sharing - directing myself, my experience, and the internet with my participation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lurk because I am afraid of sharing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that lurking is hiding and that you hide when you're afraid of sharing/standing out/being visible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide behind my screen and anonymity online / on social media while the ones who dare to share, to create content and post it, to express themselves openly, to take on the fear and risk of judgment will be the ones directing the experience we are all having online as the feed/wall/streams are created by them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold back from sharing online.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear sharing too much.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear annoying people with what I post or create.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to care what people think of what I am sharing and posting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear sharing my face online because of how I look or what people might say about my looks.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear looking ugly and people noticing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear looking tired and people noticing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear taking a selfie because of how I look.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear how I look.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for looking ugly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for looking tired.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist sharing myself because of how I sound.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist sharing myself because of how I look.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stop sharing myself because somebody said something mean to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stop sharing myself because I don't know everything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on using the internet and social media.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear using social media and the internet in the wrong way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear going live on video.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge people online.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spite others online.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear people seeing me for who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stop being myself just because I am online.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself by my experience online.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe what I see online.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself with what I see online as a virtual reality fucking with my mind and affecting me physically and the physical world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear just being online, live, sharing myself as I am because that is not good enough, that won't accomplish the goal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself by memories of no engagement when I share myself online.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am lame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am annoying.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am obnoxious.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that no one is going to watch my videos or read my posts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to be someone else to get attention.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I cannot get attention.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I cannot get enough attention from enough people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot get people's attention when I need it or want it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having too much attention on me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about someone else reading my writing, watching my videos, listening to what I have to say, and the sort of attention I am going to receive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my process about what others will think and what others will approve of.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my sharing to be about what others will think, what others want, what others might hear, and what fears I have of other people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trap myself within public opinion and fear of that.

When and as I am online, using social media, and I see things on my wall/feed/page.. simply lurking... and reacting to what is here on the screen - I stop and I breathe.
I realize that who I am is determining what I do as I am the starting point. If I am going to simply lurk and react to what is here, then I am simply separating myself from myself and not directing what is here that is asking to be directed within me. My experience online, using myself as social media, is determined by me within/as my participation and unless I direct what is here through engagement/exercise of my keys/clicks/views - me pushing all the buttons in a way that is supporting what is best - I will have my experiences directed for me by the button-pushers as all the content-creators and influencers which would have me support a point of self-interest within myself and them where we are just participating in energy-consumption, money-making, and distraction from what is here.
I realize that I can stop this and change who I am within this experience, to start engaging within my social media as what is best for all and creating content of my own to impulse the point of what is best for all within my sphere of influence and to accumulate the world I want to see through the example of who I am - that which is/will be multiplied by my impulse.

Thus,

I commit myself to changing my online presence and my online experience through supporting myself using writing/self-forgiveness/self-corrective application - to define/redefine/live the vocabulary of the internet / the online experience / social-media presence in ways that is best for all - in ways that is effective so that my time here is not wasted and I may extend my reach using the tools of the world wide web.

I commit myself to seeing/realizing/understanding how social media works, how the online system and game is played, so that I can navigate it to the best of my ability and learn what works best.

I commit myself to understanding the way people use the internet and the way their mind works when it comes to attention, interest, and engagement/participation so that I may be effective in reaching them.

I commit myself to knowing my audience and studying what is necessary to really know them.

I commit myself to sharing myself, what is best, the tools, the principles, and the messages that support real change.

I commit myself to learning what it means to measure my process and my progress, to then measure my process/progress within this by how many lives I can change doing this and how much can I improve my life by doing this.

I commit myself to making better videos that people are interested in watching.

I commit myself to writing better posts that people respond to because it changed something important within them, for them, because they considered what I posted for themselves.

I commit myself to creating an online presence that matters because everything I make brings people back to themselves and their physical bodies.

I commit myself to letting go of my fears about sharing and expressing myself online.

I commit myself to participating online with the people I follow/friend from a different starting point and to add to their online presence as an equal.

I commit myself to forgive myself for reactions within me that I have when reading/listening to other people's material online - to stop participating in the spite/blame/ego/conflict that we all engage in as lurkers (most of the time) and to stop commenting from that same starting point where what I put out there is only to FEED into/on the conflict/drama/energy that is being creating virtually.

I commit myself to breathing as I am using social media, staying in my body, and to stop using social media if I start to go into ego when participating.

I commit myself to realize how much of the online experience is simply ego and to be aware of how often it really is that I go into these acts of my ego virtually within the online experience.

Let's get down to BUSINESS, pt 3: Day 9

"Let's get down to business."

What does that mean?

To begin taking something seriously, to get started on doing what needs to be done, to focus on the important things, let's do what we came here for and get to the point.

Why so quickly after writing about starting point and where my journey began would I go straight to this?

Because the point of business, building a business, and what this word means stands out to me as the way to solve my survival point, to create the future deliberately, and to live the expression of my purpose. 
The business I am here to create is part of my process. TechnoTutor is like the word Desteni in that when I found it, it gave me a new context for everything up until that point and gave me a vision of the future that I stood by in words before understanding practical steps and to now have the chance to stand by that vision in/with my actions practically. It is a point within the outer change that lines up with the inner change.

Continuing with the inspiration of this self-forgiveness on business:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait in hopes that things within my business, within my life, will become easier before I pick it up again. The only way it will get easier if I practice and do the hard things to build my business.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to push through my resistances to pitching people and booking presentations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage my business by secretly wanting it to fail and wanting to get around doing the most important actions that grow my business.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid doing the actions that grow my business.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to conveniently forget to contact someone or follow up with someone I could give a presentation to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my unconscious fear of doing a presentation, which is speaking in front of others, to direct me so that I never give a presentation or find any excuse or justification not to ask for one, not to schedule in the specific time for one, and to not follow up or show up when and as expected for a presentation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to simply forget about my business and erase it from my mind and body so that I don't have to face myself and my fears that come with building my business.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that eventually i'll just figure this out and start making sales without any consideration or regard for what would eventually lead me to make a sale and figuring it out enough to do so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to riddle myself with thoughts, beliefs, excuses, justifications, fears, feelings, opinions, limitations, and all matter of explanations about my progress within business, my numbers within the business, my actions or lack of action within the business so that i'm confused, left with a puzzle to put together, and full of holes so that I am always just trying to fill in these holes/gaps in my understanding - many or most of which are self-created bullshit/confusion because what is underneath is just fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create this confusion within me to deceive myself into thinking/believing I don't know enough or that, "see, this is questionable and you have doubts so there is no reason to move yourself and build this, there is no reason to bother others with this because you are full of shit." - all so that I do not take action and to spite myself/others and remain as I am - lost in thoughts/feelings/emotions/the mind - protected from my fears and facing them as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear building my business.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear taking responsibility for building my business and doing the actions that are required to build the business every day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate working.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear working.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I could build a business without working every day at doing so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lack work ethic.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as lazy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore all the different parts of business as the words making up the entire vocabulary of what business is / involves / requires such as "work" - where it is clear to me that I have programming within that word that doesn't work that well, therefore I don't work that well in my own life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to overcomplicate building a business within my mind by thinking about things in separation from each other and by trying to understand something I have not lived and walked yet, instead of realizing that business is simple as 1 + 1 common sense application every day... I can work out the details as a written plan of what to do every day to grow the business by identifying the +1 that makes it bigger/better than it was before and then do that every day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rather give into addictions every day instead of building my business or living purposefully and focused.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse/misuse/use my "free" time, which is not free, to participate in my addictions as the mind to get energy / be stimulated with energy and feel good/hyper/excited/energetic/orgasmic/like a winner instead of building what is best for all as myself so that I/We no longer have to live in fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always be thinking about and focusing on my feelings/emotions as energy instead of who I am here and what I can see I can do in a moment that is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect physically building my business by asking for dates/times to book presentations with people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold back from asking to give someone a presentation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear setting the intention of physically building my business by booking presentations and following through on booking those presentations and giving those presentations

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never fully intend and commit to pitching someone, booking a presentation with them, following up with them, following-through with them, and closing them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear doing every step correctly and intending to do each step correctly each time until I see a result, where I always tend to believe that I won't get to step one, past step two, or if I somehow make it to step 3 I will never be able to close them as I fumble over questions and things to say.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear asking another person to see my presentation or fear pitching another person because I know that I will come off as timid, shy, scared, weird, awkward, or salesy and like maybe what i'm doing is a scam... but it will definitely come off as if what i'm doing doesn't work because I am not confident in myself talking about it and bringing it up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to work more on the mental aspect of building a business as building the business-mind instead of building both the business-mind AND the physical business 100% equally as the inner = outer and they reflect each other.. if they are not equal within/without then it is a lie.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lie to myself about building my business when I am not building the business-mind nor building my business physically consistently or in any clear way, simply throwing myself at a situation and recoiling mentally from the experience and going into reactions to what I experienced and layering the fear and memory of the experience into me without actually processing it, learning from it, forgiving myself within it, and correcting my stance/position/walk within it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed one bad experience after another to accumulate within me as a reason/justification/excuse for giving up and discontinuing efforts or the quality of my efforts to build a business physically and to build my business-mind effectively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear becoming or being "THAT guy" to my friends, family, and social network as the guy who is always talking about 1 thing and selling 1 thing... where every conversation I have ends up being about this 1 thing - not realizing that it is a magnificent obsession with ONE THING that allows one to become successful as you work at it every day until it is done / built perfectly / self-evident to all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear showing who I am as what I am really interested in, sharing what I am dying to talk about, showing what I think about and do every day as my magnificent obsession - for fear of looking crazy, retarded, autistic, too-much, over-the-top, weird, cultish, or socially inept.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear sharing what I want to share because I might be too passionate, within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear passion and expressing myself passionately - only for no one else to care like I do or engage in what I am sharing with as much passion as I have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress my passionate expression to avoid the self-judgment and the experience of vulnerability.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for my passion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to censor myself and suppress my self-expression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear acting crazy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of myself and expressing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what other people will think of me which is actually what I am thinking of myself as I face my self-judgment in their judgment I projected.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to confuse myself and my thoughts with other people and their thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that I do not have to accept and allow other people's facial expressions, thoughts that are spoken, and body language to influence my experience of myself and that I am often interpreting what they are showing/sharing from my own self-judgment with my self-esteem issues and victim mentality where I may often perceive an attack or insult where there is none.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to conform to what other's want to hear as the things they want to talk about, entertaining their bullshit and mind-entertainment, instead of talking about what I am focused on with changing my self internally/externally as my mind and the world, my being, my body, and the systems in the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear talking about what is important to me such as purpose, self-change, self-responsibility, this process, these tools, my business, community creation, principles, and what it means to live the best versions of ourselves and what it means to live what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that what my business entails, what my business is connected to is more than just a program - more than just a group - and that what comes with me as my business is all that is important to me.. important to life.. as what we as those in my business are taking responsibility for is points within all of us that are critical to the future of this planet, critical to all lives and especially critical to children who will be left with what we leave them.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand what my business here actually is as what responsibility I have accepted into my life as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe I can just write out all my problems and forgive them in writing, then it will all be done and here I am finished - not realizing or understanding that I must walk into the physical and live the words I have wrote here - that I must stand up and move into this world as the correction, the example, the understanding, and show to myself and everyone here that I am forgiven and I am living my word as what is best for all to gift/give to all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do the complete opposite and swing to thoughts and beliefs that writing is useless and that self-forgiveness is wasting time because of the potential mistake that I described above, where I may get stuck just writing things out and staying inside... staying at my computer or at my book... never standing up and moving out here to show myself that I understand, that I have corrected, that I am living my words and that what I am living is what is best.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trap myself in thinking errors in many devious and subtle ways, where for instance I realize that I am lying to myself, deceiving myself, or playing a game on myself within what/how/why I am applying myself.... so then I stop what I am applying all together despite the value of the application, ignoring that my starting point and approach to my application is what is erroneous, and thus going without tools/principles/support/applications that are actually helping me and sabotaging my process.


When and as I see myself in my head thinking about building business or who I am / how I see myself in business, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I am not thinking about actually building my business in a constructive way with the intent or commitment to take action on my ideas... that my ideas are often not actionable thoughts as i'm thinking about my insecurities, my past, my weaknesses, my traumatic experiences, my fear, and substracting from myself / my physical movement / my business.


Thus, I commit myself to assist and support myself through writing, self forgiveness, and self-corrective application to let go of these unsupportive patterns of my mind that I embody and live when I am faced with moments of opportunity to build my business.

I commit myself to stop participating in my mind as the inaction, the inner-action, that actively prevents me from building my business - that retards my movement as it impedes my forward movement to do the simple and necessary actions to see my business grow.

I commit myself to eliminate my weaknesses and face my fears when it comes to building my business, such as the fear of "being that guy" and pushing myself to sell someone by going all out on them.

I commit myself to creating more situations and events where I must face myself and make a decision on who I am in that moment - fear or myself, present, and expressing my potential.

I commit myself to connecting with more people, to meet myself in another, to face myself in another, and to create my community and my business by doing the math of 1 + 1 = accumulating the others who are willing, able, and wanting to stand equal to me, stand equal with me in this purpose, and create the example of the world we want to live in.

I commit myself to express myself and share myself, even when I am afraid, because expression is more powerful than fear and I have been suppressing my self-expression for years because of fear of others.

I commit myself to direct myself and remind myself that I am the directive authority, the self-directive principle of my life and that unless I direct myself as life - I will be directed by my mind as all that has passed, all that I have missed, and be controlled by automated systems of the mind to make decisions that are not best for me.

I commit myself to make decisions that are best for all and best for me, to consider what is actually best for me instead of going with what my mind conjures up that I do not challenge but go with anyway because it is familiar.

I commit myself to create what I would like to experience for myself and to share that with others.

I commit myself to change what I accept and allow within myself and to showing myself that I do not have to accept and allow what I have been accepting and allowing.

I commit myself to achieve my 20/6/1, starting with keeping track of my pitches, presentations, and sales.

I commit myself to the goal of one more sale and to constantly remind myself that it is possible if I take action and that I can take that action today if I would dare, the action being to speak to someone with the intent to share my pitch, give them a presentation, and sell them TechnoTutor.

I commit myself to scheduling time to present to people that I ask to give presentations to.

I commit myself to scheduling a presentation this week.

I commit myself to letting go of my fear.

I commit myself to feeling the fear and doing it anyway.

I commit myself to learning what it really means to build my business.

Let's get down to BUSINESS, pt 2: Day 8

"I can't even sell my mom on what i'm doing"

Yesterday, my mom called after I made a live video giving context for the importance of TechnoTutor and to pitch/sell it in a video. She essentially talked about what I could've done better and even though she clearly understands TechnoTutor for herself.. seeing the benefit in it.. and how it helped her when she saw it... she hasn't bought it because she doesn't have the money. I know that isn't valid though because she has come up with money out of nowhere for other things before just like I have. You make it happen for stuff that is important to you. Anyway, talking to her brought out reactions/emotions/thoughts/judgments/energy about BUSINESS and SALES. It brought up specific things i'm facing within my immediate family/friends where I have to look at my own programming. It stung quite a bit if I am honest with myself because she brought up the points about how long i've been doing this and still haven't made it into a successful business. She always has many ideas about how I could run the business or get interest or sell the product - but she hasn't bought it herself. (so wtf?)

Continuing the Self-Forgiveness from yesterday with these additional points:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my ability to sell based on if I have sold my family or not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that no one will buy from me because I have not sold my mom, my dad, my wife, or anyone I know personally on what I am doing or what I am selling.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I cannot sell.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I cannot communicate effectively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am not persuasive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I cannot change my abilities, capacities, and who I am to be able to persuade others, communicate effectively, and sell.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that something is wrong with me because I cannot get anyone to fully join me in what I am doing with TechnoTutor, Desteni, or Self-Perfected.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear looking at my results, my feedback, and where I am lacking / missing something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the worst case scenario being true about me, which is that I am a nobody, what i'm doing is unimportant to everyone but me, that i'm not special, and i'm not worth listening to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage my efforts and my learning by exaggerating my failures and hurting myself with insecurities that I blow out of proportion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself by the worst within me/my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start attacking myself everywhere I have a weakness, insecurity, or fear because I am missing something and because I don't know what it is that i'm missing I start going after myself for everything I can see is wrong with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed emotional instability within my business and my content creation, where I cannot receive feedback constructively and apply it to my benefit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to people who have never built a business before or sold a product successfully on what I should to do build my business or sell my product.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear hearing negative feedback about what i'm doing, creating, or sharing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear haters.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear judgment expressed out loud or publicly and directly to me/at me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel and participate in the feeling of discouragement/disheartened when I receive feedback that I interpret as a negative, essentially saying what I did wasn't very good / it didn't work / they didn't like it / they're not convinced / they're not sold.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself fear that it is too late for me to sell TechnoTutor.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this fear of TechnoTutor, selling TechnoTutor, talking about TechnoTutor, to grow until I am paralyzed in my business.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my wife getting upset with me for not selling TechnoTutor.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that Zoe will divorce me if I don't start making more money by selling TechnoTutor and if I don't sell TechnoTutor that I better do something else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that building my business won't work out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be secretly planning for my business to not work out by thinking about that fear in the back of my mind and what I will do or will have to do if it doesn't work out... instead of what I will do when it does work out and what I will do to make it work out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only think about my fears, my self-judgment, my emotions and feelings, and all these things that don't actually have to do with building my business but rather who I will be / who I am / how i'll be in all these different scenarios/situations/imagined events regarding my business instead of looking at and understanding what I will do to build my business, what is required of me every day to actually build my business, and actually doing the daily actions to build my business.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get wrapped up in these mental experiences of fear and these projections of myself in business.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear feeling bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear feeling bad in front of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear feeling bad in front of others and that experience being exposed to others for them to talk about/gossip about/judge for themselves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear other people recognizing that I feel bad about what i'm doing or what i'm sharing or who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide and isolate from others when I feel bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stop what i'm doing because I feel bad about who I am, what I am doing, or what i'm sharing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself and my experience when I feel bad because I don't want to know what it is or what's going on with me and I don't want to face the bad feelings or to experience them in front of others who can see/recognize it and potentially judge me for it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress the experiences I must go through and/or direct as they're the experiences that come up for me to face- to instead bring them up in writing, breathe through them in real time, and investigate openly for solutions and to apply myself in a way that is best.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to sell.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to share.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to communicate effectively.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to close my mom.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to close my wife.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to prove I can do this.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to clear myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be clouded by fear, judgment, worry, and backchat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my preferences in how I should/would/want-to feel, what I should/shouldn't do (because of what i'm comfortable with), how I do or don't look, and what people will/won't think of me to prevent me from building my business, sharing my self, selling my products/tools/services, or doing anything that would be best for me and best for all as that which moves us forward.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my preferences to limit me from living effectively and changing, within this I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to change when it is clear my preferences are holding me back as my preferences are my comfort zone.

When and as I am conducting business, sharing myself, selling my products/services/system, and promoting what I see matters and then I receive criticism, negativity, or attacks from someone - I STOP and I BREATHE. 

I look at if I am reacting and what I am reacting to if I am in-fact reacting.
I look at who would I be if I were saying these things, placing myself in their shoes.
I look at the words within myself as myself and as them equally.
I forgive myself as the words, for the words, for what I am reacting to within the words and to then be brutally honest with myself.
I share what I see with that person who is criticizing/attacking/negating me.
I stop the attack within myself, I don't accept or allow myself to turn against myself simply because they are going into conflict about what I express.

I realize what they are saying may not be what they are saying. It might be my interpretation, my fear, and my lack of understanding/vocabulary. I realize I can make these considerations in those moments and step out of my reaction.

I ask questions to clarify what is happening, questions for them and for myself.

I commit myself to understand what it is within me that is actually causing objections to my business, to my purpose that I am promoting, to my product that I am selling, to me as a person, and to the specific things I am saying.

I commit myself to stop and remove the problems within me/my mind that prevent me from building my business effectively.

I commit myself to facing my fear of other people and what they might say or do.

I commit myself to live more daringly in spite of my comfort zone with regards to advancing myself within my business, my purpose, and my life.

I commit myself to share more about my business.

I commit myself to share more about what I care about.

I commit myself to learn to hit my 20/6/1 in my business.

I commit myself to program myself to be/become an effective businessman, knowing that I wasn't preprogrammed to be/become this, and within this I commit myself to do what an effective businessman does to build their business.

I commit myself to facing all my negative feelings and thoughts about building a business, about myself doing what needs to be done, and forgiving everything that is within me holding me back until it is done - until it is no more - until I have missed nothing. I understand this will take time and I must be vigilant for it to be done.

I commit myself to building the business mind in tandem with building my external business.

I commit myself to creating absolute certainty within me, within my business, within my purpose, and within what I am here to share/sell/create.

I commit myself to focus on building my business to create money.

I commit myself to focus on my business instead of people or money.

I commit myself to move beyond morality judgments of myself in building my business to become effective and to free myself from other's influence in how I build my business.

I commit myself to consistent, persistent effort and clarity in building my business.

I commit myself to walking the business point within my writing until I am self-perfected within my business.

I commit myself to reminding myself that I can do this with the tools I have, I can build the business mind and I can build the business externally. I have what most of the world does not, that makes this all possible.

I commit myself to using my tools effectively and consistently to building what is best for all as my business, my vision for the world, a new system, a new me, a life that all can have.

Let's get down to BUSINESS: Day 7

 Inspired by this blog on business

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to procrastinate facing myself within the word business as my programming/lack of programming about business.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to set myself up for failure by expecting a business to just come along and change my life, thinking/believing I would find a business that I do automatically like it was second-nature and become an instant success.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire instant success without having to do anything for it and for me to be a naturally born business magnate and success story.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that my business has to be BUILT with my own body, mind, and being and that it was NOT already preprogrammed into me to the degree that I could make it happen and function immediately and that a business does NOT appear and function immediately anyway - it is built daily with specific actions and focus.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on building my business because I suck at it at first. This is/was the most likely scenario and although there is a chance that anyone can be a natural, avoiding certain failures and mistakes most face from the beginning.. that is not the rule, that is the exception and one should plan around the rule as a rule.. because counting on the exception is desiring to be special and counting on something that wasn't planned for. Nothing in my environment or upbringing was designing me to be the exception within starting a business where I wouldn't suck or fail.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up within myself, in a emotional/mental dimension, and to then pretend or project the opposite while suppressing the feelings of failure/defeat/giving up/whining within me so that I can still be part of the business in hopes that something within me will change if I stick around long enough. Nothing will change if I do not and my experience won't change if I just hang around waiting for someone to help me up because only I can STAND UP within myself and stop accepting/allowing these feelings and this energy experience of giving up/defeat/failure/whining/etc that stop me dead in my tracks from ever building a business or giving this another 100% all-in committed action.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget that this is how most things go, where hopes/expectations/plans are met with a different reality, sometimes vastly different, and it is up to us to adapt to the reality - to change with the feedback we receive..

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to beat myself up for not performing as I had hoped to or expected and to be the very reason why I can't/won't do it / be able to do it / feel like I can do it because I am beating the confidence out of myself while beating out the perspective that regards reality and the process I have to walk to be effective and confident within building my business.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist doing something because I know I will fail.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed failure to be the point at which I stop, quit, or give up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stop, never start, and start to give up at the first sign of failure.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to do something, like build my business through putting myself out there and closing someone, pitching someone, talking about it to someone even though I know I will fail or get rejected or have a hard time doing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed about where I am at in my business with my results as the numbers of pitches/presentations/sales I have with how long I have been part of this business.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bring myself down and to remain fallen, emotionally abusing myself and limiting myself, stopping myself from ever building my business again because I failed and continued to stay in that failure, having given up and refused to put myself out there again and again to face the points I needed to face - that I could have faced earlier had I forgiven myself then.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get caught up in what everyone thinks of me, making up the majority of the judgments about me that I believe others to be holding of me, especially because I never put myself out there that much to even know what people actually thought of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear finding out what people really think of me by putting myself out there, which is what I see I should do to build my business.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe what I think everyone thinks of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe what I think they think of me despite what they tell me they think of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only see myself through the thoughts/beliefs/opinions/feelings within my own mind which tend to exaggerate and charge things in such a way that I am simply in a drama/trauma response.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to obsess and focus on what people think about me and figuring that out instead of doing what is best that would lead to success.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to mind-control myself as others as a form of government for my behavior, to not break any social rules, to suppress my expression and my potential, and to keep me from doing anything outside the box of what others might think.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear people as my business depends on people, so how will I ever build a business if I am not facing my fear of people and eliminating that from the equation??

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to focus on people instead of my business.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to focus on money instead of my business.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what will happen to me if I focus on my business and no longer focus on people or money and the fear of them both.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe my thoughts about other people are accurate, especially the thoughts I project onto them about me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear people finding out or knowing that I am not as perfect or successful as I seem.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my fear of being imperfect or a failure onto others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that no one will do business with me if they find out I am not perfect and successful beyond what they have been able to accomplish.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to set expectations of myself within business that did not take into account physical reality and my specific starting point with all my preprogramming up until this point, which had little to no existent success programming when it comes to business.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize I wasn't born into the elite or into a family or environment that taught me business or the mentality to create one.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that how I feel about my business is how everyone feels about my business.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that how I feel about my business is how everyone feels about my business.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I project how I feel about my business and that may influence how people feel about my business, but they in themselves do not feel how I feel about my business - they mirror my programming and what I am accepting/allowing within myself as business / about my business.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to take responsibility for my business as myself within myself, meaning that I take responsibility for how I feel/think/see/react/imagine/act within my mind/body when in front of the reflection of my business / looking at the word "business" or "my business". It is here that I see the content of what I am actually communicating to others, what they are receiving about me/my business when I am in front of them, because within me is all that I have accepted and allowed as this word/living expression as "business" or "my business".

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to take responsibility for understanding and creating the business mind within me, equal and one, that I can also create a business externally simultaneously.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself all that it will take to create a business as myself within and without.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my limitations to prevent me from building a business.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I cannot build a business, that it is impossible for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear upsetting people with what I do for business.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear conflict with other people while building my business, where I may lose a potential customer or gain a shit talking enemy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being the bad guy as defined by other people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear hurting people's feelings with how I do business / how I build business.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate business with taking advantage of others in an abusive way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear taking advantage of other people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear building a business, becoming a businessman, and what I will have to do to become successful within my business/as a businessman because I already, automatically think I will have to do evil shit to make the money, to grow the business, and to persuade people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed conflict within myself as morality to limit me from ever moving myself effectively within life, within business/as a businessman.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to investigate MORALITY as LIMITATION and CONTROL whereby I seek permission from some belief system / external system telling me what a "GOOD PERSON" does and what a "BAD PERSON" does and to avoid that.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see that what is acceptable within the system as rules/laws is different than what is acceptable within morality as judgment of good/bad which is often personal/social sensitivities that often have no bearing on reality or what happens to you in the system - whereas what the system prescribes as rules/laws will have consequence on my life/my business if I do not observe and adhere to them.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to challenge morality within myself that limit me from acting effectively in common sense and to study the law/rules of the system that I may be effective within building a business to make money.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to go through the necessary internal/external setup process of building a business as the research and resource acquiring to name my business, prepare for eventual taxes, to take advantage of any benefits offered to a business, and to understand the rules of how I may apply myself physically to build my business.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to understand what it takes to build a business.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed the realization that it takes consistent, persistent effort and clarity to build a business.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see the value in building a business and creating money,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define building a business as miserable, boring, dreadful, and scary.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that in order to build a business, it is not about becoming something I am not, but about letting go of what I have become and what is holding me back from all that I already am.

"I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to really let go of the memories that I have held on to, and compiled as the 'truth', from every time I have failed, in business, in life, in a game, in relationships, etc, not realizing that it is me holding onto those memories that is keeping those failures in tact, rather than turning all those failures into successes and learning what I needed to learn from them, applying them now, and being successful NOW."

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to let go of all my memories which have defined me up until this point that echo back to me how I will never make this work, I will never be able to build this business, I will never make a sale, I will never become the businessman I had hoped to become, and I will never have millions of dollars because look at my memories and how many times I sucked, didn't do shit, never got around to it - etc.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe I will never be able to sell because I haven't sold anyone yet, which isn't true because I did make one sale and I almost made another... I haven't done that many presentations and I haven't practiced enough to be any good at it.

Continuing in the next post....

Release the Stop-Hold on Life: Day 6

 To start is to end the holding-back that is a stop.
What holds my life back from beginning, again and again, is the reverse/inverted deposit - the memory of life which is/in the mind - the layers of separation from myself here - projected forward/backwards. This moment that has come to pass, gets stored in HOLDING - this storAGE is TIME-ACCUMULATED that we (re)call MEMORY.

Is what we keep a savings or a cost?
What is it costing me?
It is a reverse/inverted deposit - it is actually the accumulation of the negative - therefore a cost (such is past-due debt, which is collected/ such is memory, which is recollected)
Only giving is in addition and the only way to "keep" what I have, as it will thus become an income/input-received ... as the basic equality of a system demonstrate - input = output. 
What I put-in is what I will get-out.

Self-ForGIVEness is thus the Only Confirmed Way to RE-LEASE LIFE = BUY LIFE BACK - it is PER THE AGREED LIVING DEFINITIONS = MATHEMATICAL (though not math the way you might think of it.)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put a hold on my life to save something, to save myself as my current self-definition, to attempt to save/savor these moments which come and go, and define myself as that which has already passed - thus I define myself in/as my mind which is my memories which are technically dead and not me here in this body alive - therefore i'm living-dead as I embody the memories of me, constantly (re)living the patterns of my past as personalities, habits, addictions, relationships, etc that come with those moments which are gone.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted myself as life here and allowed myself to live here because I have accepted and allowed myself to invest so much of myself into/as the mind/memory of me - where I RECALL the EXPERIENCES of WHO I WAS as my DEFINITIONS of "ME" - conning myself with the belief that this is the accumulation of evidence of WHO I AM - not realizing that WHO I AM HERE = CREATOR OF WHO I WAS/THE PAST and ALSO therefore THE FUTURE.
Never observing the fact that HERE is wHERE the PAST and FUTURE mutually exist - LIFE IN THE PRESENT IS THE GIFT OF/FOR ALL.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold back and limit myself within/as memories that I have accumulated.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore, avoid, and deny identifying/looking at what is holding me back as my memories as the roots of my fears/beliefs/feelings/patterns which limit me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that memories/the past is the very thing that is behind me with a literal holding/contraction as tension in my back - holding me/my back and limiting my movement and expression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as memories.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live life as memories/the past/the reversed deposit of life which is dead-debt and the evil-devil and demon as that which has become my self-possession/self-definition holding me back from life itself and damning me to lesser versions of who I can be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to copy myself and layer myself into/as memories which is saying "more mes/more (of) me" and thus a separation of myself into multiple personalities as trapped expressions in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto life as a moment and store it into mind as a memory where I think that I am saving something for later, putting it into my collection for recollection, when in reality it is costing me the life that I took and converted to an inverted/reversed deposit of itself a dead-debt to be repaid with life again and again.. as life as a memory is now a past-life, unresolved.. for if it was resolved it would be integrated as lesson-learned in-the-flesh as life-here and no reminder/remainder left behind.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that all memories are past-lives to be recollected / remembered and re-leased through self-forgiveness to bring the gift of life back to self Here in the flesh wHere tHere is no more "tHere" separate from Here and Our Presence is no longer buried in layers of the past as the dead/debt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the past because I think that was life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of the past/memories/mind/knowledge because what will I do without it? How will I live? 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to depend on my mind, my memories, my past, and my knowledge derived from that to guide me in life and direct me in any given situation... to look for patterns that are repeating and that I am familiar with... even though those patterns are often my projections and it is me bringing them to surface and into living.

When and as I see myself holding back because of memories and the fears / limitations that come with that, I stop and I breathe. I remember myself within this moment and realize that I was here when that memory was created and I am here still, now witnessing the consequence of this memory I created. I can let go of the memory which is holding me back. I can investigate the memory and reverse it as myself to live what is best HERE to "keep what is good" instead of only remembering/recalling the experience as a haunting positive/negative where I am nostalgic/longing/desperate/in-separation/inferior/limited to the past. I bring it all here as myself to be a whole - thus the integration of an integer in time.

I commit myself to realize through living and applying myself that memory isn't real and that it is only real because we embody it as the flesh and that self exist in reverse as a memory deposited/stored in the cells of the flesh to be re-leased from it's prison. Thus I also commit myself to realize in my living, to investigate in my words, and to share/show myself as all that self-forgiveness is the specifically named mechanism/tool/expression which define the release, the letting go of, re-lease, redemption, atonement, absolution, discharge, and so on and so forth of self from the various dimensions and layers of our prison.

I commit myself to remembering myself within my memories - the self that is always here, past/present/future/timelessly - to see/understand/realize that I wasn't defined at the time/by the time and that it was ME that defined MYSELF by the time/at the time and so I can stop defining myself within these moments of time and these experiences within them... Who I am is not a memory and the self-definition, I am the one creating these definitions and these memories. I (re)call them the way I do and participate in the self-definition process thereof.

I commit myself to writing self-forgiveness, self-corrective applications, and investigations into/on these memories I hold and that hold me back. I commit myself to being specific about these memories and honest with myself so that I see/understand/realize the devil in the details as the details themselves reveal me to myself where I have defined myself in the past, where I am hiding something, where I am limiting myself, where I am tempting myself to "go back"...

I commit myself to filling in all the gaps and the blanks in my understanding of this process and the vocabulary that specifically makes it up, so that through self-education I can actually articulate this whole thing as myself and thus move myself within it effectively. This commitment to myself looks like asking myself questions where I have to explain what I already understand to myself and walk me through each detail as if I was starting from the beginning. This post and the video I made on Self-Forgiveness as The Only Way is an example, because I took on a challenge made within this process by Bernard and it was in that process of taking on the challenge and living the principle of "Visibly Living the Principles" that I made something pretty cool to myself.

I commit myself to breathing and being here in my physical body, bringing myself as what is here into the flesh.

I commit myself to remember that life is here.

I commit myself to learning to physically do something with these words by looking for/defining the physical match as I know the physical is the place of practice.

I can specify this by looking at what I fear doing and what memory is attached to it so I can then do (within reason) what it is I am not doing. The mind would have me not, and so life would have me challenge it.

Initiate Release : Day 5

Continuing my multi-dimensional process of walking myself through my starting point within the previous blogs. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear Desteni as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing myself and taking responsibility for what I know is within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear standing up as what is best for all as the de facto ‘what is best’ in any/every context.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear visibly living the principles that I agree with because of the fear of death if I were to express myself as anything that go against the being's belief systems in my environment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my fear to limit me from walking my process with full creative authority and expression, where instead of putting myself out there within the experimentation of my application of what I have learned - I chose to conceal my application and in doing so, had to limit what I did openly. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my starting point within fear and to do everything i'm doing, and not do all that i'm not doing, because of this one point of fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed fear to paralyze me in mind, body, and being where I cannot even make decisions clearly or take action or speak up or write a sentence because i'm blinded by the fear and always thinking about what i'm afraid of creating, doing, happening, etc.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to betray my Desteni and thus my Destiny out of fear, where I ran from the process that would remove the separation I see from myself and birth my life as the potential I know of.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate from myself as my potential.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my potential as out of reach.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately set myself up for failure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become less-than Desteni and the people who are walking process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed inequality in myself, specifically in this writing with regards to Destonians, but also with any organization or a person that I looked up to such as within TechnoTutor as well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to begin my journey as an inferior, as less-than everyone else that is great or part of something greater than me / anything i've known, and to then exist in fear of what is more-than me per my definition - that I can't wrap my head around it or understand it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what I don't understand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear beginning something I don't understand and royally fucking it up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as small.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as insignificant.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a piece of shit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having a bad reputation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not living up to the name of Desteni and being a Destonian.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a bad reputation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disqualify myself from process because I think and believe I am a bad example of process and walking process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disqualify myself from great opportunities because I define myself as inferior, unworthy, and don't believe I deserve a chance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to interpret Desteni as a threat and through a lens of fear because of all the words I didn't understand and because of the existential topics which brought up my fear of death and what happens after I die.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to torment myself for years with the thought of what happens after I die and my fear of consequences for what I have done or said throughout the years, all catching up with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to fully hear, see, realize, understand, receive, recognize, integrate, and apply the information within Desteni because of fear and my preprogramming.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my starting point within existence to not even exist from a certain perspective, because I never knew this word, so my starting point was created through my living but i'm not sure how or why I came to be the way I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a mess.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create myself haphazardly throughout life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have no idea how I came to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be totally clueless about my starting point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as just being here, with no real purpose or clue how I got here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone getting to know myself and why I am here in self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear getting to know myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe I could hide from myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to care what other's think about me when they don't know themselves either and are hiding from themselves, too.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear fucking everything up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear all the ways I could be fucking up that I don't know about and all the ways I think I am fucking up right now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a fuck up.

The Star in Starting: Day 4

I will expand myself reflexively through reflection on my first post, again to gain, starting with these 3 parts:

"It's all here as me/with me. What does that mean? I look at myself/my experience while I also look at this page I am filling with words. Here in my body, mind, and being is the direct answer to my starting point. To what degree i'll be able to access the most important points for myself to examine, I am not certain, although I can certainly access what's in my face - that's the interface/surface of my programming. 

I am here because I am still fucked and I want to be free. I am here writing this because I want to support myself again within writing. I am here because I know if I can balance myself and my time within using all the tools available in this process, I will become the person I dream of.

As i've grown older, I see that I was preprogrammed to fail miserably in life with great potential held in front of me like a carrot stick. "


The Star at the Start is the Great Potential I Dream of.
I know who I am and who I can become, I know the potential exists in me - clouded by disasters of my mind.

I was a Starry-Eyed Child with the Promise of Potential to BE ANYTHING and I was already Great and Amazing!

The carrot on the stick was this magic in the air, up above in the sky, just as the stars sit above our heads.

I have wrote about the word Star before, so I can see multiple dimensions here to look into.

I have been challenged with a process of investigating my WHY, my PURPOSE, and that shined some light that comes back to what I see in myself as the Star before the Start.

The BE-ING JUST BE-FORE BE-GINNING.

Star Definitions for Reference:

noun
- a heavenly body

- a data or communication network in which all nodes are independently connected to one central unit.

- an outstandingly good or successful person or thing in a group.

- a star symbol used to indicate a category of excellence.

verb

- perform brilliantly or prominently in a particular endeavor or event.

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Creatively Expressing the STARting Point:

Before I Begin, My POINT is ABOVE ALL IN EXCELLENCE, the STAR of the SHOW, SHOWING THE WAY like the MAP OF STARS ABOVE - EACH ONE GUIDING THIS PLAY.

Stars were always in a practical position to guide us when our horizons were limited or obscured, orienting us by remaining mostly fixed in their relative positions. 

Stars represent excellence(star athlete, player), potential, hope, magic, wishes, the best(5 stars), success, wealth(results), fame(celebrity/stardom), expression(artist,actors, performers), heaven/divinity (heavenly bodies, angels), wonder, guidance, light, clarity, creativity(the arts) and more..

How did Stars Begin? We don't see them before they shine.. only when they start to glow and spark into their full expression. A very similar process exists on earth, where we can only see them once a star has amassed a universe of people that orbit them and as they begin to glow and shine. We can all tell when someone is accumulating mass, soon to become massive... and explode like a star. Before then, they were likely nobody to most.

Bringing this back to my self for understanding. The point that stands out to me about a Star is this point of Ultimate Self-Expression and Creativity - literally BURSTING with BRILLIANCE. I have a universe around me that I can support as myself if I express myself to the utmost, if I unleash my potential.

For example, The Sun is a Star and it Gives Life - that is Inherent in it's Self-Expression. The word Star anagrams to Arts - because Creativity is IN-HEREnt in the Star Performance!

This is all cool stuff to me, but what does it matter? What can I do to make this practical?

My starting point, my why, my purpose is to be a star on earth, to give life, sharing real light, all with my self-expression. 

The process of a star forming takes time and MASS(IVE) INTER-ACTION.

A point of gravity, or coming together, organizes the scattered parts/pieces of itself.

Once it amasses size it heats up and after a certain temperature fusion begins.

The light we see doesn't even come out from the star once fusion has begun and it has amassed size, it takes time before the shine is even noticeable at the surface.

The light is produced from a bunch of tiny interactions within the star.

We can see this light production in ourselves as what we participate in privately and our small interactions with every person we meet. The massive action to be taken, to accumulate mass and momentum like an undeniable gravity, is in organizing ourselves and everyone we meet.

I feel like i'm missing something, still.

What am I missing?

Perhaps it is the preprogramming in all of this, that even looking at the stars... it was designed in separation... and looking at what comes up in the star.. I can see the sabotage in a starting point being out of reach, in high hopes, with magical/wishful thinking.. all the things that come up when looking at the word "STAR" are also found in a STARTING POINT. 

We all want to begin with this standard or expectation of greatness, voting on ourselves to outdo ourselves, to do something magnificent with our lives. The carrot on the stick; not realizing it was all designed out of reach or so that it will never be as we imagine.

Next blog will be Self-Forgiveness on these points.